Dancing on my Heartstrings (Xander/Robby)

Chapter 8: Finding Balance

Robby closed the door to the locker room on his way out to give them both some privacy and leaned against the hallway wall. It was quiet for a moment as they both struggled to find the right words.

Daniel opened his mouth to apologize.

His student felt guilt course through him.

"You don't have anything to apologize for, Mr. LaRusso," the teenager said, cutting him off. "I'm sorry if you felt called out today by my performance, but that wasn't my intention. I was going to perform that song for you long before you found out I'd lied to you about who I was."

Daniel looked at him carefully. "Why did you feel the need to lie to me, Robby? Did you think I'd hate you solely because of who'd fathered you?"

The boy looked away at his words with a grimace.

"What is it?" his sensei's voice was quiet.

"Nothing. It's just how casually you use the term "fathered"? I find it ironic sometimes how everyone just assume that because my dad's still alive and supposedly in my life, that somehow that means he was a father to me?"

His sensei looked at him thoughtfully.

Robby sighed. "Growing up, it was only my mom and me. The only time I ever saw my dad was when my mom didn't pick up the phone, and the school called him. Even then, he only tells me I'm flushing my life down the toilet, which makes us get into another argument, and he walks out on me again."

Daniel settled his hand on his pupil's shoulders comfortingly. "I know your old man can be dense and awful at showing his emotions, but he does love you. It's hard to understand right now because you're a kid, and you're hurting. However, I saw the way he was looking at you out there when you were dancing."

The teenager looked at him quizzically.

He ran his fingers through the boy's slightly gelled hair and tucked a stray lock behind his ear. "It hurts not having your father in your life, trust me, I know, but it's even harder when they're gone. Personally, I'd give anything to have my father back in my life — even if it was just for a short time. "

His student flinched at his choice of words as if he'd physically struck him. "How can you say that to me? You don't know what it's like knowing the person who is supposed to love you doesn't. It's worse than them being gone."

Daniel looked disturbed by the raw pain on his student's face. There was a lot more guilt, insecurity, and sorrow in the depths of the boy's eyes than he'd expected.

Robby pursed his lips slightly as he struggled to make the man understand. "I never met your father, Mr. LaRusso, but it's evident from the way you've talked about him in the past that he loved you. It's not the same thing with my father. It's just not."

It was quiet for a moment as his student traced his finger against the wood grain of the bench and seemed to struggle to voice his following words.

"M-my dad never wanted me," his student's voice shook as he confessed the truth that he'd always known deep down. "Knowing my parents, I was probably just an ill-fated mistake that happened because a condom broke."

Daniel felt his heart ache in sympathy.

Robby rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. "My mom said he didn't even come to the hospital when I was born. She was in labor for seventeen hours, and my dad was in some bar getting wasted. I guess the mere thought of me being born drove him to the bottom of a bottle. I sometimes wonder if I'd have been better off with him dead or not knowing him at all — at least then I could pretend I meant something to him."