An- sorry I haven't been uploading much recently someone very important to me died of cancer last week and everything is just a bit all over the place but I'm going to try and start uploading more. Once again I am really sorry.
Summary- y/n is going through the stages of grief and paddy supports her through them.
The first stage. Denial. Everything says that when you first loose somebody you are in denial. You can't accept the pain yet because you haven't had time to process it. It's shocking and miserable to go through grief yet you can't feel it yet.
"Y/n please you have to accept that they are gone. I know you loved them but I'm trying to reach out to you here just please listen to me" paddy says and sighs. He has become frustrated with me and it's painfully obvious.
"I'm fine paddy I'm okay nothings wrong"
"Stop lying to me y/n you are confused and I understand that it's hard being in pain over something you can't control"
"Paddy I don't bloody need your help everything is fine" paddy nods and holds me in his arms. As if he knows that I am currently overwhelmed by the information.
The second stage. Anger. When something in life doesn't go your way you feel anger. As human beings we like to be in control and especially when we loose people it hurts because there is nothing we can do. It makes us furious and short tempered.
"Paddy get away from me I don't even need you" I spit at my boyfriend as he gets up from the couch. We had previously been cuddling and he keeps trying to get me to talk about my feelings.
"You are angry I get it y/n"
"NO YOU DONT WHY COULDN'T THEY HAVE STAYED WITH ME THEY DIDN'T FUCKING DESERVE THIS AND I DONT DESERVE TO BE LEFT ALONE. I HATE THIS AND I HATE YOU" I shout and he is taken back by my words. Paddy is struggling to stay with me but he knows I mean none of it. Regret courses through my veins when I speak to him like that. However I can't help it it just happens.
The third stage. Bargaining. When people are experiencing lack of control they bargain to make themselves feel better. It makes them feel empowered and less guilty about the situation.
Me and paddy were sat on my bed watching a movie. Our fingers where intertwined and he was stroking my hair. He kissed me on my forehead and to my surprise a tear falls down my cheek.
"Love what's wrong?"
"Paddy if only I could have spent more time with them then maybe I wouldn't feel so awful"
"Y/n don't ever think like that they know that you love them and it's not your fault"
"I know paddy it's just all the times we fought over stupid things keeps replaying in my head"
"One say it will quieten down my love I promise" he says and kisses my lips softly. I know he's right and I can't wait for that day to come.
The fourth stage. Depression. Once a person has had time to process their grief and think about what's happened the situation tends to put them into a state of depression. They feel helpless and alone and at this point they need support the most.
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The last stage. Acceptance. People usually take a while to come to terms with and accept a painful situation. People don't always know who to turn to or how to figure everything out.
*at the funeral*
"I never thought I would have to do this. I never thought I would be standing in front of you today saying this. When it happened I felt like everything I loved was being taken away from me. I felt helpless and weak. People would tell me it was going to be okay but I-I never believed them. I thought that I would feel forever angry at myself but today I stand here knowing that they are looking down at me and they are so proud. I feel lucky and privileged to have known this person and I will forever hold them close in my heart. Thank you for being here today to celebrate their life and all their achievements." I say as tears flow down my cheeks. I walk over to paddy and he hugs me.
"Well done babe"
"For what?" I ask not knowing wether he is talking about the speech or something else.
"Well done on getting past the five stages of grief."
