Sina

Chapter 8

Dash hugs me from the back while I take photos of the Magellan's Cross Pavillion. It's not something that Filipino must be proud of, but the architecture is commendable. Para lang itong maliit na bahay. The walls are cylindrical and painted white. While the roof is a bent, red triangle and has a cross at the top. Halatang naluluma na dahil may itim-itim na sa pintura.

Nakasandal lang ang baba ni Dash sa balikat ko buong oras na kumukuha ako ng picture. I don't know if he's already tired. Kanina pa kasi kami rin palakad-lakad. I just wanted to explore the historical spots here. Tumagilid ako ng tingin kay Dash tsaka siya hinalikan sa kanang pisngi.

"Hungry ka na, baby?" I ask.

He smiles a little. "Medyo pero kaya pa naman. Just enjoy the view, baby."

Mukhang hindi niya talaga trip ang pumunta rito. Hindi lang niya ipinapahalata. I appreciate his effort of coming though. He's always being patient with me.

"You should enjoy the view too."

"I enjoy you."

I pinch his nose, then we both chuckle.

Ang saya saya ko kasi tinupad ni Dash ang gusto kong secret trip. We immediately went here in Cebu after he proposed last night. We just ate dinner with Nasrin and Thana. Akala ko nga table for two lang pero pinilit niyang isama ang mga kaibigan ko. After that, we headed to the airport. Sobrang nasurpresa ako kasi sabi niya sa term break pa pero heto na kami ngayon.

We decided to turn our phones in airplane mode, so that no one could interrupt us. Sana ganito na lang parati. Malayo sa demonyita niyang kapatid. Masaya kami ni Dash. I feel safe and sound.

"Let's visit the Basilica church, baby," aya ni Dash. Oh god, here's my spiritual baby again. "Is it okay?"

I smile to assure him that it is fine with me. Hindi ko naman ipinagkakait sa kanya ang Catholic beliefs niya. I face him, tiptoe and kiss the tip of his nose. "Let's go?"

Hinawakan naman ni Dash ang kamay ko tsaka kami pumasok sa isang gate papuntang simbahan. The red, bricks look old. May mga lumot na at nangingitim na ang iba. It doesn't look big outside but when we enter, the place is spacious. Medyo gloomy nga lang ang place. Kakaunti pa ang mga tao ngayon.

We sit down on the fourth row. I let go of his hand and watch him kneel down, then pray. May pawis ng tumutulo galing sa noo niya dahil sa init ng panahon ngayon. Ang guwapo pa rin ng baby ko kahit naka-side view siya. I really love his jaw. Lalo na kapag tumatawa siya at inaasar ako.

I avert my gaze at the big cross nailed in the wall. I heave a deep sigh and blow it before I try to speak to Him. Ang tagal kong hindi naniniwala sa Kanya pero parang may nag-uudyok sa akin ngayon na kausapin Siya. Is this even possible?

Kung totoo ka man po, thank You kasi binigay mo si Dash sa buhay ko. Please don't take him away from me. Siya lang ang reason ko para mabuhay. I know it's selfish but please don't. Enough na sigurong kinuha mo na po ang parents ko, right? 'Wag na po si Dash.

Hindi ko alam ang mangyayari sa akin kapag nawala pa si Dash sa buhay ko. I'll lose my sanity for sure. Noong namatay ang parents ko dahil sa airplane crash, hindi ko alam ang gagawin. Dash was always there. Pati sina Nasrin and Thana. They took care of me and never left my side.

Oh god.

Naramdaman ko na lang na nababasa ang mga pisngi ko. Napakainit ng sulok ng mga mata ko at hindi ko mapigilan. Why the hell I am crying? Napatingala ako para pigilan ang sarili pero tuloy-tuloy pa rin ang pagtulo ng mga luha ko.

If you're real, please don't harm me again. Pagod na pagod na po ako. I just want to be happy with Dash.

I flinch when Dash's hand holds mine. Mabilis kong pinunasan ang mga luha pero huli na.

"Baby, you're crying."

Realization hits me hard when I feel the hands of Dash in my arms. When our eyes meet, I immediately wrap my arms around him. Hindi ako matigil sa pag-iyak. I don't understand what I feel. Pero isa lang ang alam ko, masaya ako na kasama ko si Dash. Masaya ako kasi mahal niya ako. I wish everything's fine.

Niyakap naman niya ako nang mahigpit. I feel guilty for keeping a secret from him. Natatakot ako. Sabi kasi ni Dazza noon, kapag nagsumbong ako sa kapatid niya, pababagsakin niya ang business ni Dash. She even warned me that she'll kill his own brother. That's why I shut up.

I really thought that she's nice. The first time we met, she treated me like her little sister. Dash was so happy to see us in good terms. Hanggang sa inaya ako ni Dazza mag-sleep sa room niya. She said that she wanted to hang out with me a little more. Matagal na raw niyang gusto na may little sister. If only I knew, I wouldn't be deceived.

While I was sleeping that night, I woke up because someone was touching my pussy. Sobrang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko nang makitang si Dazza 'yon at hindi si Dash. I felt so dirty. I pulled away and was ready to run, but she pinned me down on the bed. Sinubukan kong manlaban. I cried and begged her but she didn't listen. Fuck.

After she got what she wanted, she blackmailed me. Wala na akong nagawa pa. Natakot na ako. While she had pleasure, I whimpered and wished that it would end soon. Hindi ko akalain na mauulit pa sa ikalawang pagkakataon.

Sobrang bigat sa puso. Everytime I would see her or Dash mentions her name, I would flinch. Natatakot ako sa kanya. Natatakot ako sa kaya niyang gawin. Natatakot ako na baka sa isang mali ko, mawala si Dash. Mawala sa akin si Dash. Hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko kakayanin.

I look at Dash with my bloodshot eyes. "I love you, baby. Naniniwala ka sa akin 'di ba?"

"Yes, baby. What's wrong?"

Saglit kong tinitigan ang mga mata niya. Maniniwala naman siya sa akin kapag sinabi ko ang totoo, 'di ba? Hindi ko na kayang itago pa. Napapagod na ako. I can fight and defend myself from other people, but not to Dazza. I let fear conquered me. I just can't lose someone again.

I wipe my tears using the back of my hand and sniffle. Malamlam ang mga mata niyang nakatingin sa akin. He's waiting for me to speak.

"Y-your sister raped me, baby. Dazza r-raped me twice, baby."

Hindi ko mapigilan ang umiyak lalo. My heart is so heavy. Telling it to Dash is hard. Namamaos na rin ang boses ko.

"Shit," I hear him curse. "'Tangina."

"Baby . . ."

He pulls me closer to him. Ang tagal ng pagkakayakap niya. He sounds raging mad yet he remains soft to me. He becomes more gentle as he hugs me. I can't see his face but I hear him sniffles. Namamaos din ang boses niya nang magsalita.

"I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry," he whispers, then pulls away and cups my face. "She'll pay for it, baby, okay? I swear. Fuck. I'm sorry."

"Baby . . ."

Hindi ko alam kung paano ikukuwento sa kanya. Hindi ko alam kung saan magsisimula. Parehas na kaming umiiyak. Humugot siya nang malalim na hininga tsaka hinalikan ako muli sa noo. I know he's just trying to calm down.

"I'm sorry, baby," he mumbles again. "I didn't know. I'm sorry."

I lean closer and kiss him. Nalalasahan ko pa ang mga luha naming dalawa. It's a bit salty. Oh god. I don't want Dash to blame himself. Kung meron mang dapat na sisihin, si Dazza 'yon.

"I'm really sorry, baby," he says as we pull away. "I'm fucking mad. I'll make her pay for what she did to you."

Naararamdaman ko ang panginginig ng kamay niya. He looks mad. He sounds mad. But he's stopping himself. Kitang-kita ko ang paghinga niya ng malalim. Pagkatapos, pinunasan niya ang mga luha ko gamit ang mga daliri niya.

"Uwi muna tayo, baby? Let's talk about it. Please tell me everything, baby. I wanna know."

I nod at him. "I will."