Sina

Chapter 4

"Anong trip mo at naka-pants ka ngayon?" Nasrin asks as I sit down beside her. Naglalaro na naman siya sa phone niya. "Hindi naman tayo pupunta sa bar mamaya."

We have a class, but one hour has already passed and our prof isn't yet here. Ang laki ng classroom namin pero dalawa lang kaming magkaklase. Si Thana kasi nauna na kuhain itong Optics last term. Kinailangan na kasi niya para sa research field. Hindi naman siya maka-sit in dahil may klase rin siya ng ganitong oras. Hindi tuloy kami kumpletong tatlo.

I pout my lips and sigh. "We're going to visit Dash's family."

Tumigil siya sandali. Kunot ang noo niyang tumingin. "Putangina. Pumayag ka?"

"I have no choice," I reply. I have a choice but I just can't let Dash feel down. Baka mamaya magtampo pa siya o mag-away kaming dalawa. "You know that I can't tell him the truth."

"Tanga mo, Sina. Paano kung maulit 'yong ginawa sa'yo ng demonyitang 'yon?"

I just shrug my shoulders. I don't know what to do. I can tell Dash anytime, but Dazza is an evil. She blackmailed me. Ayokong maging rason para mawala ang lahat ng kay Dash. He did everything to achieve what he has right now. He must not lose it.

"Sabihin mo na kasi sa boyfriend mo. Putangina naman, Sinahana. Hindi ka na nadala. Hindi p'wedeng lagi kang pinu-putangina ng demonyang 'yon."

"I'm scared, Nasrin."

She arches an eyebrow at me. Naaappreciate ko ang care niya pero hindi ko lang talaga alam kung ano ang dapat na gawin. "Ikaw ang magsasabi o kami ni Thana?"

"Nasrin . . ."

"Maawa ka naman sa sarili mo, Sina. Hindi dahil mahal mo si Dash, hahayaan mo lang na okay siya tapos ikaw hindi. Buo nga siya pero ikaw hindi."

I heave a deep sigh and blow air as I close my eyes. Nasrin got a point. No doubt that she's the most intelligent among us. Tama naman siya. Sa totoo lang, naaawa na talaga ako sa sarili. I just don't how to handle this fear.

There are nights that I want to tell Dash everything, but I'm really scared that he will lose everything he has because of me. Whenever I am alone, I feel disgusted with myself. Gusto ko na lang na sumunod kila Daddy and Nommy sa heaven, pero sa tuwing naiisip ko si Dash, nawawala ang lahat ng iyon. He's my hope. Dahil sa kanya, pinipili kong mabuhay kahit tingin ko, hindi ko na deserve mabuhay pa. Things are heavy but with Dash, I feel safe and sound.

"I'll call you from time to time. Huwag mong ihiwalay ang phone mo sa'yo. Naiintindihan mo?"

Dumilat ako at tumingin kay Nasrin. My heart feels sad. "Yeah. Thank you."

She sighs, but speaks no word. Instead she just continues playing 2048 on her phone. Hinayaan ko na lang din. I am just glad that I have her and Thana in life. Sa kanila ko nasasabi lahat lalo na ang mga bagay na hindi ko masabi kay Dash.

I bring out my phone from the bag and check if Dash has a message. Meron naman. Hindi naman talaga niya nakakalimutan parati ang mag-text.

From: Dash ♥
Hi, baby. Sabay daw si Ate Dazza mamaya sa atin. Coding ang sasakyan niya. I'll fetch you at 4p.m. I love you.

Oh god. Hanggang sa sasakyan ba naman, ayaw niya akong tantanan! I can't believe this!

Laglag ang balikat ko na nag-reply sa kanya. Ang ganda na sana ng simula ng araw ko kanina pero nasira niya at tinuloy-tuloy pa. Gosh. She's really a monster.

To: Dash ♥
Okay.

From: Dash ♥
Is there something wrong, baby?

To: Dash ♥
Nothing, baby. I love you.