I can't let anyone see my scars
without blurred vodka vision
I can't afford them to
feel my rolls and freckles
without dizziness in their fingertips
I am afraid of my body
I hide behind wine
each downed glass
becomes slurred speech
and shaky smiles
I only have sex in the dark
so the other person can't see
the dissociation in my eyes
or the wince when they touch me and
it reminds me of that one bad time
I only have sex when I know they'll leave after
because I need to lay in my bed
the exhaustion mixed with
catholic school shame
and negative self esteem
I close my eyes
and pray for a hangover in the morning
hoping the headache
outweighs the empty pit
that once was my soul
YOU ARE READING
Brain Dump
PoetryIf I write a poem, it goes here. A collection of thoughts, dreams, fears, and whatever else I see in my brain. TW: mentions of sexual assault, suicide, depression, anxiety, self harm
