Beautiful Things//O2l/Kian Lawley By Emily

Chapter Eleven: Heartache

The music pounded in my ears, and the flashing lights didn't help my already blurry vision. I sat at the bar resting my head on the cold woods counter.
A guy approached me pulling me off of the stool. We started dancing but I was too sluggish to stand up straight. After a few minutes he pulled me away from the crowd kissing me. I was so drunk I just stood there. He pushed me up against the wall shoving his tongue down my throat. Suddenly I felt his weight lift off me. I tried to open my eyes trying to figure out where the mystery guy went. Eric had him shoved up against the wall and was yelling something about taking advantage of me. Cameron grabbed my arm supporting my weight and walking me out of the club.
The fresh air hit my face making me laugh.
"Wooooshhh!" I said flailing my arms in the air.
"Dammit Alexis get a grip on yourself." Cameron said shoving me in the car.
"Ow." I frowned trying to look around. What a strange word, ow.
"Ow. Oooooowwww. Owowow." I started laughing hysterically suddenly feeling very sick. I turned throwing up in the back seat.
"Holy shit!" Eric said running over to the car. "Alexis what happened to you, this is the fourth time in two weeks!" He looked at me worried, moving the hair out of my face.
"I'm gonna take you back to my place, you need to sober up." He said to me walking around to the other side of the car. He gave Cameron a long hug, kissing her on the forehead and walking over to the car getting in and slamming the door. I jumped at the loud noise. I could see spots, and then slowly my vision faded completely and I passed out.
**
It's been a month since Kian and I broke up. I spent a lot of my time indoors for a while ignoring everyone around me. One day I just wanted to forget everything so I got a fake id, and went to the bar. At first I just had a few drinks but then I spent the whole night drinking my problems away. After a few weeks I was going a lot, trying to forget the pain but I couldn't. I stilled loved Kian and I couldn't forget him. The way his eyes would shine in the sunlight, the way it felt when he kissed me, waking up next to him in the morning and hearing him whisper 'good morning beautiful' in my ear. Even when I was drunk, passed out even, I could still see him in my mind, clouding my thoughts and filling my heart.
**
I woke up in Eric's apartment. I was laying on the couch near the door with a blanket covering me. I looked around searching for Eric but he wasn't in the living room. His apartment was built weird, there was a small living room when you walked in the door, then there was a short hallway leading into the kitchen and another short hallway leading to one bedroom.
I stood up feeling pain rush through my body. Holding my pounding head I walked into the kitchen following the promising smell of coffee. Eric sat at the kitchen counter reading a book I didn't recognize. He glanced up at me reaching over and pouring me some coffee. I looked down at my feet embarrassed.
"I'm sorry." I said quietly.
Eric closed his book looking up at me. I kept looking at the grounding not wanting to see the disappointment in his eyes. He walked over to me and pulled me into a tight hug.
"I don't love you any less." He said rubbing my back. Tears started to fill my eyes and I held my breath trying not to cry.
We walked over to the couch sitting down. He watched me quietly waiting for me to talk.
"When Kian and I broke up, I felt like the world had crumbled down beneath my feet. He was my world actually and my feelings for him grew stronger and stronger and they still do. Even though we are apart and I could have taken him back, I didn't and yet I know in my heart I'm in love with him." I rested my head on a pillow closing my eyes. "I thought drinking would take away the pain, or numb it at least." I looked at Eric sadly. What had I let my life become? I was falling apart.
"Alexis, I think I should tell you what happened in New York." Eric said cautiously. I nodded resting my chin in my hands. He shifted uncomfortably.
"When I heard the news I... I felt this pain, like my heart was ripped out of my chest. I wanted to die. I... sat in my apartment with a bottle of pills for an hour wondering if I should take them and let the pain be over, but then I thought about you and I even thought about mom and I couldn't bring myself to do it." He paused taking a shaky breath. "I went to the store and bought as much alcohol as I could carry. Then I shut myself in my apartment for weeks, drinking my days away and... And sleeping with random women." He rubbed his eyes fighting back tears. "I was in such a bad place, I thought one more drink or one more woman would make me feel better. But it just made everything worse. If it wasn't for your text message I would probably still be there." He finished quietly. I knew how much pain he was in so I moved over hugging him tight.
"Pleases. Please. Don't end up like me." He said holding me closer. I nodded realizing why I must have worried him so much.
"I won't go to the bar again." I promised to him and myself. Eric had always been my roll model, when we were little I wanted to do everything he did, even fishing and hunting but he would never let me go with him. After a while I stopped asking to go places with him but I never stopped admiring him, and I never will.
Eric let me stay the night while a recovered from my not so little hangover. And in the morning he drove me back to my house.
I got out of the car waving goodbye and turning to face my house. The sun was shining, birds were chirping, and the summer air was sweet. I noticed how much I would hold on to things, but maybe that was my problem, maybe now I could begin the slow painful process to letting go of Kian.