Journal Entries

Hysterical Rambling

"Hello, good evening, this is President John C. Dickinson. I am here in front of this podium on this night of July seventeenth two thousand and thirty four to tell you, what you saw was very real. About a half hour ago there was mass reports of a so called "alien UFO" in the skies of multiple cities. Descriptions included seven lights in a equilateral triangular shape hovering over civilians in the states of Arizona, California, New York, Florida, and North Carolina. We (as in my administration and NASA and other UAP research programs) do not know yet if these "visitors" are hostile or friendly. The only thing that can be told right now is that if you see said extraterrestrial ships out in the sky, get to a safe distance and let our government officials handle it. If "they" are found to be hostile we will take the necessary evacuation approach to ensure all of your safety and well being. You are not crazy."
Shelby!! SHELBY!!! Wait you're not Shelby, who are you? Anyways you should see what's been going on the past couple of days. Ever since President Dickinson told us that those "alien ships" were real, everybody started going ballistic. So the other day, I wanna say Wednesday night, there were these strange sounds in the sky. Nobody really paid them any attention but there were these strange orange lights in the sky. So the LAPD was called and they tried to say that it was just an "odd natural occurrence. Most of our residents knew they were lying but we played along with it. Then two nights later on Friday, there was big ass boom around 3:15 in the morning. Over in the fields there was a fire and something unnaturally shiny laying on the ground. The fire wasn't even orange it was a mixture of white, pink, blue and green. Almost like an iridescent color. So the authorities came again and roped off the areas, labeling it as a "satellite crash'. So now we've had strange lights, noises in the sky, and a crash, a fucking crash. So now today the big show finally commenced. Three ships have been hovering over the Arrowhead Pond Arena for about two hours now and the general public was freaking the fuck out!! So basically what had happened was, there was these floating lights over the city all day and when one of the ships started to descend over a building that's when they called the Air Force in. It took them about twenty minutes to arrive to the sight and whenever they got there they started moving in these weird formations. So they tried to fly behind them right? But whenever they did they would just go in the opposite direction at "supersonic" speeds and then slow down until they feel "threatened" again. Keep in mind that this was in the public eye of California. Everybody saw this shit you know? So they were flying behind them and blah blah, then all of a sudden... it leaves. Literally sped up from a simple whir in the sky to an incredibly fast blast into the clouds and out of sight. The Air Force guys could only sit in the sky and watch as they disappeared into the "far away galaxy' before they went ahead and flew away. That's when President Dickinson called this emergency briefing on ABC News trying to explain what we saw. He knew that he couldn't lie his way out of it because everyone saw it. The civilians, the LAPD, government officials, Air Force, hell even Dickinson saw it. So lying or trying to say that it was anything other than "aliens" would be incredibly silly at this point. I just hope they figure out what the hell is going on before shit starts to hit the fan. I don't even know why they would keep hiding this information, it's almost 2040 and the government is still trying to cover up stuff. Pisses me off you know? Come on we're gonna take a ride and I'll tell you more about it. Make sure not to hit your head on the roof of the car, my 2000 sun fire isn't getting any younger. You strapped in? I'm not trying to get any tickets from these crooked cops. Alright, you good? Okay so about 14 years ago there was this crash in some small town in Brazil, and there was this big hoopla about what it was. Everyone knew it had to be a UFO or at least something not from this side of the universe. Plus they were really strict on who could view the crash site and who couldn't. Who's "they" you ask? Well I'll tell you, it's these sick bastards pretending that we're the only species in the social system. The lie of the century that must be for poor souls like the human race to believe there isn't anything better than us out here. And you know what the gag is? They tried to cover it up, just like this bullshit here in California. How stubborn must these idiots be to call themselves "state officials" but are afraid to give us official word on outer world visitors? Even then you can't trust the mother fuckers, they get off by telling the general public these lies and watch them have their late night tv show debates and dismiss a potential real world problem as some folly joke. Makes me sick to my damn stomach, the way that can make up a bunch of stories to keep the peace. THE PEACE WAS GONE YEARS AGO WHEN THEY HAD THAT ROSWELL FUCK UP!! And don't even get me started on how the people of Cali took it. Not even five minutes after Dickinson made the announcement, all the religious groups went ballistic. The Atheist tried to call out regular civilians for "inviting the anti-christ out of the sky", and some of the Christians don't wanna believe there is any other being other than their almighty God then you got the Devil worshipping dunces believe in that Satan is gonna rise from the depths of Hell. Shit, I couldn't care less to be blunt and honest with you. They could've avoided all of this by telling us the truth. Or at least hinting at what most of us (the smart ones of us) already knew. I mean look over there to your right, over on Crenshaw Blvd. A group of faceless assholes holding a protest for Dickinson to take back his words and repent for his "presidential sins" or whatever the hell. Oh God I almost forgot, the keyboard warriors. Have you ever heard of them? The idiots that think they know everything over the internet? Yeah those dweebs had the nerve to blame "Global Warming" for all the "alien sightings" over the past 10 years. Give me a break would ya, if its not one dumb ass arguing on the net it's another. What's next ya know, what are they gonna have after this? Fucking dogs raining from the sky throwing turds at unsuspecting adults? With the way this planet is deteriorating,, I wouldn't doubt it. Can you check to see if there's any traffic coming on that side of the road? No? Alright thanks, you know you're mighty quiet for a passenger. I would've thought you would have had some input yourself, but if you want to sit there and listen to me ramble, be my guest. If you'd be so kind before I go any further with my theory, there's a can of beer behind your seat. Be a doll and hand that to me would ya? Ah thank you....nothing like a nice beer to tell stories with. Now that I've got a little "juice" in me, there's this other group that you need to know about. These heifers are like the worst of the roster when it comes to this conspiracy theory stuff, so if anyone asks: you didn't hear a goddamned thing from me. We crystal clear on that? Alright, out over there in that patch of land over there on your right is a cult group. They're not your conventional cult though. You know that child predator, suicide death stuff, none of that shit. This cult believes in life after death and that "we are all aliens" which would explain all these so called sightings. They believe that these other worldly creatures are just returning to try and save our rapidly ailing race of life. Why do you think they only hover over big market places like New York and Florida? That's two locations that offer the most promise so it would only make sense that the "aliens" (if you want to call them that) would make those locations their primary visitation spots. Whenever they come they always try to make an effort to at least take one human for testing to see how far we've come as humans. Once the aliens see that we've basically made no beneficial strides, the abductee is thrown back onto the planet and thus starts the bullshit fake alien abduction stories. it's sad really, how we went all the way from Adam and Eve to whatever the hell we call ourselves now. There is hope though, you can never lose the fate or whatever that cliché saying is. I just wish we could find more people like you, people who are good listeners. But hey, to each their own right? Anyways, we're finally here, try not to be too freaked out okay? I already told my master that you'd be coming so it should be a quick and easy analysis. You'd be doing my kind a very, very BIG favor. Who knows, maybe you would be doing all of mankind a big favor.