My Friend, My Love ~ Merwaine Oneshots

Where Were You?

Synopsis: In episode 5x07, "A Lesson of Vengeance," we see none of the knights defending Merlin when he is accused of poisoning Arthur by Gwen. Not even Gwaine who claims Merlin is his best friend. This is the fallout between Merlin and Gwaine.
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Gwaine left the council chambers feeling relieved, his King was safe, and Merlin was proven innocent. Speaking of the manservant, Gwaine wanted to speak with him.

Seeing his friend walking down the corridor to Gaius' chambers, no doubt, Gwaine called out to him. Merlin didn't acknowledge him, and Gwaine chalked it up to not being heard. He broke into a light sprint to catch up with his mate.

When he finally reached his friend, he put a hand on his shoulder. "Congrats mate! How does it feel to be a free man?" Gwaine smiled.

His smile wore away when Merlin shrugged his hand off and glared at him. It was unsettling to see the usual happy servant so angry.

Merlin huffed a dry laugh, "Was always a free man, not that you seemed to care." And turned to walk away. Gwaine grabbed his arm, "What's that supposed to mean?" "You betrayed our friendship. That's what it means." Merlin bit back, taking himself out of Gwaine's grip.

Gwaine began to feel angry. As far as he was concerned he'd never done anything to harm his friend. They'd crack jokes. He'd offer Merlin to join him in the tavern, and he's still upheld his duty in protecting his friend. "Betrayed how exactly, Merlin?" Gwaine questioned indignantly.

"How? You want me to tell you how?" Merlin laughed bitterly, then nodded sharply, "Fine. Where were you?" Gwaine was confused, but Merlin kept on ranting.

"Where were you when I was being thrown into the dungeons for something I didn't do? Where was my self-proclaimed best friend when I was awaiting my execution down in the dungeons?"

Gwaine was silent. "I knew our companionship had dwindled over the years," Gwaine flinched at that, "But I thought that maybe you still cared enough about me to have my back. I watched as my so-called "Friends" stood by while I was getting arrested." Gwaine could barely keep eye contact with Merlin. The pain in his friend's eyes was heartbreaking.

"I believed you of all people would say a few words on my behalf, or at the very least look for an alibi to prove my innocence. I was a fool." Merlin stated lowly. "I'd be dead already if Arthur wasn't cured."

Gwaine cast his gaze to the ground, "I wouldn't have let it get that far." He protested lightly. They both knew that was a feeble excuse. Merlin shook his head, "No Gwaine, you had every chance to help me...you didn't."

Merlin forced a swallow, "After all these years, I thought I meant something to you." Gwaine raised his head swiftly, "Don't say that. You mean everything to me, Merlin. You're my first and best friend," his voice broke. Why did that not sound enough anymore? A deep part of Gwaine wondered.

"Then where were you when I needed you?"

Those words cut Gwaine more deeply than any wound he's received. He did nothing to stop Merlin from walking away this time, similar to his actions the night before.

Gwaine sighed heavily and leaned against a wall with his head bowed. He didn't know how long he stood in that position. His entire being was numb except for his brain, which was plagued with so many thoughts.

Gwaine couldn't reverse time and change the past, no matter how much he wished. No, he would have to live with the guilt of destroying his best mate's trust.

Gwaine thought back to how he first met the sarcastic, gentle Merlin in that tavern on that fateful day. He'd been just a vagabond; a drunkard no one gave the time of day to. But that all changed when Merlin entered his life.

He looked past all the flaws that drove people away and instead saw the real person Gwaine was. For the first time in his life, Gwaine was wanted! It had been hard to say goodbye when he was banished. He didn't want to leave his newfound friend.

Even when time passed during his banishment, Gwaine did not forget Merlin, although he did doubt he'd ever see his mate again. Yet he was proven wrong when Merlin came into the tavern he was occupying to ask for his help personally. And once again, Gwaine felt wanted and loved.

That very same day, he confessed his feelings on their friendship, and Gwaine remembered how his heart leaped with joy hearing Merlin confirm the same feelings. Parting from his friend seemed to hurt even more the second time.

Then everything with Morgause and Morgana happened, and boom! He was a knight. He didn't ask for these new responsibilities, nor did he want them. But he stayed, he stayed to be closer to his friend.

It was through Merlin that he met his brothers in arms and the noble he found worth fighting for. Merlin had given Gwaine a life; a purpose. And how did he repay his friend?

He became the one thing he swore against, the thing he spent his whole life running from. He became a noble. Granted, he wasn't as bad as the others, but he was still terrible.

"After all these years, I thought I meant something to you."

He did - still does, so why in God's name did Gwaine just stand on the sidelines while his friend was dragged out by guards?

"Where were you when I needed you?"

Gwaine couldn't answer.