My Friend, My Love ~ Merwaine Oneshots

Help me Grieve

Synopsis: Gwaine helps Merlin grieve the loss of their friend
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Lancelot was everywhere. His handsome, friendly face seemingly haunted Gwaine. Why was this a problem? Well, you see, his brother in arms was dead. Killed by sacrificing himself to close the veil to the spirit world, not even over a month ago.

Gwaine dealt with the grief as he normally would. Horribly. Once they returned from the Isle, Gwaine took it upon himself to get blackout drunk. It was better that way, he reasoned, as it meant not feeling anything. Not being reminded at the deep loss of his friend. Someone who he cared about and, in turn, cared about him.

Instead of grieving, Gwaine tried feeling angry. He succeeded only for a bit. As much as he wanted to be angry at his stupid selfless friend....he couldn't. Because at the end of the day, Lancelot had saved him. Saved all of them. And how could Gwaine blame the man who gave his life for all those he cared for?

There was one thing he could blame Lancelot for. Leaving Merlin.

The manservant was an absolute wreck but not in the way one would think. The utter devastation upon Merlin's face when he announced Lancelot's death was the only time Gwaine was privy to seeing his best friend's true grief.

Which is why Gwaine was concerned, no worried, for his best friend. Once they returned to Camelot, Merlin closed himself off to the world, even Gaius. Any person riddled with such grief would take personal time to themselves like Gwen, the knights even Arthur, but not Merlin. The manservant, ever loyal, continued on with his duties, despite Arthur's repeated orders not to. Eventually, even the prince stopped trying.

Gwaine wanted to be there for his friend, but he was no good to Merlin when he himself was getting sloshed every night. Well, that was one reason he justified not being there for the servant. Truth was... Gwaine was a coward but not a fool. He knew the friendship between Lancelot and Merlin was special. Lancelot and Merlin were as close as brothers, dare Gwaine say Merlin's friendship with Lancelot overtook that of his with Arthur's. Gwaine had a feeling the prince knew that as well. Lancelot was the only person besides Gaius, and his mother, Merlin, opened up to.

At first, Gwaine was jealous at the inseparable bond the two had, wishing he could have the same with Merlin. Then, he came to realize that he had to be content with what he had. Having Merlin in his life was enough. Even if he wasn't the servants best friend, Merlin would always be his.

So, what words from him could even break the stone facade Merlin had put up? The knight was ashamed to admit that it took weeks for him to finally have the courage to seek out his best friend.

One night, instead of going to the tavern, Gwaine found himself staring at the wooden door of the physician's chambers. Hesitantly, the knight raised his hand and gently knocked. Seconds later, the door opened to reveal Gauis, who was mildly surprised at the visitor.

"Oh, how may I help you, Sir Gwaine?" Gaius asked, ushering the knight into the chamber.

Gwaine walked over to the physician's workbench and took a seat, smiling kindly at the old man. "I was wondering if Merlin was around?" He asked.

Gaius' expression dropped at the mention of his ward. "I'm sorry Gwaine, he hasn't returned yet from his manservant duties, I do believe you may be able to find him the throne room." The physician answered.

The knight nodded resolutely, but before he stood to go, he took the chance to ask, "How is he, Gaius?"

Gaius was silent for a moment. "Not good, Gwaine. I'm worried about him. It's been weeks since Lancelot's passing, and I've seen not a single fraction of healthy mourning from him. From dawn to midnight, he throws himself into chores, sometimes not even sleeping. He pretends all is well for those around him, but I... I worry," he confessed heavily.