A Court of Water and Shadow

25

I didn't do enough.

Frank hasn't left my side since I've returned. At first I thought it was just Azriel's way of keeping tabs on me, but now I really just don't care. The shadow is entertaining enough as it weaves through my—through my black hair.

I stare blankly at the mirror in front of me. My reflection is unknown to me. The girl staring back at me is just...well she's just...I don't know. I don't care. She has black hair, that's my point. She's just not me.

Frank dips out of my hair and rests on my shoulder. I stare at him for a while, my eyelids weighed down and my lips frowning in defeat. He looks just like a cloud of black shadow sitting there. When he moves the shadow elongates ever so slightly in the direction he's going. I don't see a face with a mouth, so I wonder what kind of magic the shadows contain for them to talk to Azriel. What do they even sound like?

I let out a big sigh and lean my head back against my chair. As soon as my head connects to the wood, a knock sounds on my door. I spare one glance to Frank, who is swirling around my shoulders faster now, then I stand and get the door.

Behind it is Frank's owner. He stands there with his unreadable expression and crossed arms. His hazel eyes scan me up and down, pausing momentarily at the tattoos that can be seen on my hands. I quickly hide them behind my back, causing his hazel eyes to flick to my blue ones. "May I come in?" His voice came out softer than I expected, and it nearly made me go weak inside.

"Mhm." I angled my body in the doorway to let him pass, then closed the door behind him and watched as he sat on the edge of my bed.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Azriel tilted his head slightly and softened his normal expression.

I chewed on the inside of my cheek as my brain went empty. I didn't know what to think or say. If I told him, then he'd know how awful I am. Maybe that makes me selfish, but if he knew what I had done, he would hate me just like I hate myself.

I didn't do enough.

Slowly, I shook my head no as I stared at the marble floor and the edge of my dark green rug.

Azriel sighed and angled his head to look out of the glass doors leading to my personal balcony. I followed his gaze to see the mountains in the distance and the stars shining bright amongst all that darkness. "The tattoos on your hands...that's your bargain tattoo?" He asked as he glanced back over at me, his fists clenched tightly in his lap.

I dragged the sleeves of my black sweater down to hide my hands, then I froze when I realized it was probably revealing the ones creeping up my neck. I nodded anyway and decided to just keep my hands behind my back.

Azriel stood with a sigh and slowly walked over to me. I didn't know if it was his serious face or how large he is, but a deep part of me lit up at the image. I quickly shoved that feeling away as he stopped in front of me and held his scarred palms up between us. "May I see them?"

Maybe it was stupid of me to feel ashamed of the tattoo, but it really felt like a big claiming mark to me. It showed everyone that I belonged to someone, and that someone was just as horrible as I am. Zagra and I really deserve each other don't we? I quickly realized that Azriel was still waiting for me and swallowed the lump in my throat as I put my hands in his. I cringed at the black ink covering me and glanced away as Azriel's hands moved to caress mine.

His thumb swiped back and forth in a calming pattern as his other hand turned mine over to look at my palm. The thumb cautiously moved my sleeve up slightly and he paused his movements when he saw more ink. "How far does this go?" He asked through gritted teeth.

My eyes flicked up to his, then back to my hands as I quickly pulled away from him. "Why am I here Azriel?"

"What?" He asked with furrowed eyebrows.