Runaway Train

Confusion

TW: Brief thoughts of self harm.

Little note. The previous chapters take place in November and Early-Mid December 1993. We'll be posting the month/year from now on when necessary.

Chapter 6

Confusion

Mid-December 1993

A month. That's how long it's been since that night. Amelia had recovered from the initial flu and fever later that same week, while her nausea and food aversion, though lessened, had still remained. She had learned how to hide it, hoping to move on and stop burdening her family.

Staring out her bedroom window while sitting cross legged on her bed, Amelia felt so incredibly lost. It felt like she didn't belong anywhere anymore, and she didn't know what to do about it.

She knew she couldn't stay here with Addison and her brother forever, and obviously none of her sisters wanted anything to do with her. She ruled Mark out as well; he'd made himself pretty clear when she'd shown up there on the night that started all of this. There was no one in her life that she hadn't already disappointed, and she realized how purposeless her life felt.

Most days, Amelia was home by herself while Derek and Addison had school. She didn't have school anymore. Only normal kids went to school, and she wasn't like them.

She stayed in her room all day long, dark thoughts growing louder in her head as she sat quietly, waiting for someone to come home and tell her what to do next.

She watched small fluttering snowflakes begin to fall gently from the night sky, and she recalled that Christmas would be here next week. She felt her heart clench, realizing it would be the first Christmas she wouldn't wake up at home, she wouldn't be with her mom. She actually had no idea how she'd be spending the holiday, she assumed she'd be waking up at her brother's on Christmas Day.

She didn't really like Christmases to begin with, but the thought of breaking her lifelong tradition still made her surprisingly sad. She knew this was supposed to be a magical time of year but it never was. Even though her siblings, well her brothers, and mom tried their best growing up, occasions like her birthday and Christmas were often a let down for her. She hated December. Everything about it sucked.

She suddenly threw a textbook at the wall, crying out in rage and frustration. She felt like she couldn't breathe and all of the walls were closing in around her. She didn't want to do this anymore.

She fell forward on her hands and knees and gasped for breath, sobs erupting between sharp inhales, cheeks plastered with tears. A glint of something shiny caught her eye from her desk; scissors, she realized. She crawled over, picking them up and staring at them in her hands. She couldn't possibly, could she?

She shakily put them down, backing away. She couldn't. If she did, she'd ruin any chance she had at getting back into her brother's good graces. He was so hot and cold with her she could barely stand it, but she also wanted more than anything to earn his love and approval back.

She made sure to put the scissors away in the back of her drawer, and then resumed sitting around for another few hours, bored out of her mind with a head filled with terrible thoughts that she couldn't shake.

She needed a break, she needed to get out of there. She fully intended on coming back in a day or two, but right now she needed to go somewhere where she wouldn't be a problem for anyone. Almost as if she was on autopilot she quickly packed her bag leaving a note mostly for Addison. Grabbing the cash Addison left for her, that she'd been saving up the last few days, she made her way out the front door and into the city.