fuck buddies don't act like this (Gojo x Reader)

Chapter 44

!!TW!!

Slowly closing your lids, the drying tears cementing them in a crusted over seal trying to slowly regain control of your shallow breathing occasionally hiccupping. Swallowing them back down becoming a suffocating struggle clawing their way into the pit. That they swelled from you in a marsh swamp that you can only think about how such a good day turned out so, so horrible and vile. Your head falls back with a thunk onto the wall nothing stopping the battering ram of a hammer jamming inside your mind still nothing coming easier or harder as if you're stuck in limbo.

The way his grubby hands held you, a shiver prickles your arms in goose bumps, just where his fingers dug in. Somehow your chewed up lips finds itself back between your teeth splitting for anything to save you from it, the memory lingering. Fresh and warm still licking at your boots, the blood tasting filthy and used from his forceful press of his own, your teeth jarring with an ache. What went wrong? Why? More crystalline tears break through to caress your cheeks and washing away his sin. Flexing your fingers pushing your nails deeper to hook into your palms as bloody crescent moons spill atop your knees.

Your phone in your back pocket vibrates up and along your spine, the walls of your home feeling like an empty echoey cave, there's no warmth here anymore. No safety, comfort. Nothing when only the flashing memory of him ruins everything. The stench of liquor filtering back into your nostrils once more hurdles you back a few hours earlier and how you wish everything was so different.

Sadly, time travel is a fairy tale for a reason.

You had decided it and it was a good idea the only problem being that Usui's workplace decided now was the perfect time to send him out and away on a three-day overnight business trip to Okinawa. Just perfect when one tries to propose to the idea of breaking up, at least now amid your midlife crisis and sorting your shit out you have just enough time to uproot the problem from your home. His slippers, gone, his toothbrush, gone, his notebooks that you did look at which only disappointingly turned out to be sketches of you but mostly of another. Probably some maid who you're sure he's in love with. She's pretty, the desired V-shape jawline, remembering now that he was pretty keen on what you ate, her long luscious black hair. Only assuming this person must have been a childhood crush or his extreme fascination for maids playing a role here due to the detail enlisted. Such fine work for a man that said he couldn't draw well.

Always the liar.

You see now how much.

Either way you don't care now it's just that simple, always being able to easily cut your feelings for someone when something happens or if they have wronged you in a certain way. But you guess that same logic doesn't apply to some, Gojo, seeing how deeply your feelings are rooted for him, physically and emotionally you just can't bring yourself to cut ties with him. That could be okay if there wasn't one factor standing in the way of things.

You rejected him.

If two star crossed lovers could somehow make their love lives work, then surely you can make this shitty situation work. Sighing to that thought alone exhausts you, thankfully Usui isn't as close to catching on, regretfully you should've just texted him the truth. But you and your stupid vows, since the time you found out Hitoshi had cheated on you via someone else through text message you vowed to always be the man that has the balls enough to tell them. It's not that you have no idea when he'll be back since you can only figure that he's trying to be spiteful since you've been ignoring his calls lately.

What a far cry from reality, you should have known better, done better, been better but alas there's nothing to be done to blaming yourself that... is – is not – is – was your fault. No, maybe it could have been avoided but who knows what would have happened if he just showed up like before. Would it be worse? Blinking away those fears, nothing good comes from such dark monstrous thoughts.