The Lunar Warrior [ATLA FF]

Book 1: Water | 10 | A Step Forward

Art drawn by me!

The sun had barely risen above the horizon, the night sky slowly transforming into the rays of dawn. Ayaan was up at this time, his sleep minimal at best. But he was used to the lack of sleep, and his vitality made it much more bearable than it would be for anyone else.

He looked over the campsite they'd made. They were by a small river near a forest. The camp fire was smoking, having gone out a bit ago. Sokka and Katara were in their sleeping bags, and Aang was laying on Appa's side, all of them peacefully dreaming. Ayaan was envious of them, being able to sleep like that. He never wanted to have dreams when he slept. The reasoning was simple.

They would always become nightmares. It was only worse because he could not say that they weren't real. Everything he saw in his dreams had happened to him. He recalled it all vividly, the joy that started the day to the pain that ended it. The moment the fire scorched across his skin... it replayed for him whenever he dreamed. It was why when he closed his eyes he hoped to see nothing at all.

His hand went to the scar visible on his face. Even though he touched it, he could feel nothing. The skin was abnormally smooth, and he took care of it as best he could with a special lotion his tribe had made for him. He'd learned to make it himself in case he ever ran out. That just left him to think.

A lot of things had changed since that day, especially for him.

The freezing cold of the South Pole, one that had never bothered him before, became unbearable afterwards. His burned skin would ache with sensitivity constantly, to the point he had to wrap it tightly, even beneath his already thick overcoat.

He remembered when he finally began training again, and because he could not sweat like he used to, he overheated and collapsed. He was sick for days. They literally had to carve out a pit in the ice and put him in it to cool down his fever. The fact that he had to be cooled down even though he was surrounded by glaciers was one of the first major changes he had to endure.

When he finally did get over his sickness, his burns were that much more sensitive to the cold from the treatment. He had to wrap it in layers of warmth and apply the lotion regularly back then. It was infuriating and difficult.

Over time, his body steadily got used to being cold again. He had to relearn how to navigate his body during training, had to learn new routines to take care of his forever disfigured form. It took everything in him not to get frustrated with his limitations and breakdown in front of his family, who did everything they could to be supportive.

Their grandmother had seen this. She sat him down and, being the stubborn woman she is, made him spill. Leave it to his grandmother to break down all of his walls to give him the comfort he needed.

He told her everything. Once the words began to fall out of his mouth he couldn't stop them. All of his doubts, his wavering sense of self, his hate of that man, his grief, how he felt like all they saw was his burn scar when they looked at him, and that looking at him would make them think of her... How he felt responsible for it all, everything.

It was the first time he had cried in front of anyone since the raid.

Just as before, it was silent. He did not hiccup or wail. It was a cry that even though it was silent, you could feel the sadness. He'd been trying to hold it in alone for years but his grandmother being his grandmother was all it took for the dam to break.

He felt pathetic, and he told her that too. He felt as if he did not deserve the tears he was shedding, but that as much as he wanted to be fine, he wasn't. And it was slowly killing him, everyday, little by little.