The Lunar Warrior [ATLA FF]

Book 1: Water | 53 | The Scroll IV

Ayaan's first thoughts upon coming to were that he wasn't strong enough. He hadn't been vigilant enough. He was too weak, slow, and inefficient to catch the enemy before this happened. Everyone was in danger because of this slip-up.

Ayaan's second thoughts were rage and reprimanding. He should have been firmer, and they should have left the moment everything was done. Why had he even humored the idea in the first place? Why hadn't he just left this place entirely the moment they were able?

His third thoughts were the reasons he'd used. He didn't want to overwork Appa, but every sense in his body screamed that he shouldn't be here. He hated not trusting his siblings to use common sense, and he knew that there would be times when he wouldn't like their decisions. No one was perfect, especially him. They were doing their best and he'd wanted them to know it mattered.

But of course, the moment he wants something, it's dragged through the mud. His scar burned and ached. He should have listened to its warning.

Why hadn't he? Why had he stormed off in such anger? He thought he was more mature than that, but at the time, he was too angry to even care. If he stayed, he would have said or done something he'd regret. It was the right choice at the time, but they'd run out of time.

He should have just let it go and dealt with it later. It was childish of him to storm off, no matter how mad he'd been.

So why did he feel this dejected and outright furious at himself?

Oh, that's right.

He had a misplaced hope that maybe this endeavor was worth the trouble, as Katara had pleaded to him that it was. He'd wanted to trust his family because they'd asked for him to trust in all of them more.

He wanted to trust that Katara's efforts would pay off and that she'd see that she wasn't worthless at water bending like he was. He watched her work hard; he knew well her work ethic. She was the most determined of all of them to better herself and he wanted to honor that.

Yet her words hurt.

What she'd seen him do wasn't talent. It was trial and error with a mysterious "instinct" he hated that he couldn't understand. Waterbending to him felt like trying to scoop up a soup with a ladle that's been split in half. A piece was missing, and that made it hard.

What was left were only remnants of a broken form, he could feel that.

She had all the tools she needed, only missing a teacher that could actually help her.

He hated that he couldn't be that for her and Aang.

There were only three reasons he hadn't abandoned his waterbending entirely.

One, it was useful, and he wasn't one to toss something useful just because of his frustration with it. Creating traps with his waterbending saved him time and energy. The few skills he knew, he made sure to know them well.

Two, his calling to water was just a bit stronger than his dislike and helped him calm down. The songs he would hear amid the moonlight, the drifting tide that guided him towards it, and the coolness of the water on his skin all calmed him in a way not even his grandmother could.

He craved that sense of peace, however fleeting it was.

The third and last reason... was Katara.

That sparkle in her eyes when she finally figured things out, he wanted to see it again. The pure elation she felt when she would waterbend brought him back to better days when their family wasn't so broken. Back when happiness was an easier concept to understand.