These Lovely Scars (Lord of the Rings Fanfic)

I Will Be Strong

Daylight is blinding when we have been drifting in the dark for so long. I squint in the light of the afternoon sun.The fellowship is scattered across the bed of rocks outside the exit, each member grieving in their own ways. I look up at Legolas, who stares out into the distance with a deep sadness in his eyes. But I can also see confusion written all over his face. Of course - he's an elf. And elves are immortal. I wonder if he's ever witnessed the death of someone close to him?

Merry consoles Pippin, who lays on the ground crying. I suppose he thinks the whole thing is his fault. Sam is nearby them, and he has his head in his hands. My eyes search for Frodo. Where has he gone?

At last, I track him. He stands apart from everyone, with his backside facing us. I can tell he is crying by the way his shoulders shake, uneven and trembling. I close my eyes, unable to watch him suffer. He is already heavy with the weight of the ring. Now he carries the weight of the dead. I know that he and Gandalf had a close relationship. To see it be broken is like watching a glass goblet shatter: it seems to happen in slow motion, yet you cannot stop it because you are in shock. When it hits the ground, the once so solid form of the cup bursts into pieces, flying into the eyes of the people around it and hurting them. Gandalf's death is a piece of glass embedded into each of our eyes.

I never got the chance to know Gandalf very well, but his passing saddens me nevertheless. We are lost without him. He was a wise leader and had a powerful heart. Gandalf was our only hope for the fellowship's survival. If he was the first to go, who can say how quickly the rest of us will follow along?

With the cool air whipping against my skin, I am now more aware of the pain in my back. Biting my lip, I try to suppress a groan of pain, but fail. Legolas gently lowers me to the ground, laying me facedown. "Aragorn," he calls out, but Aragorn is already here. I don't know how much blood I've already lost, but it's enough to make me feel like I've been dumped in a river.

I feel hands on my back, testing out the puffy red skin around the hilt of the dagger. "Don't touch it," I gasp out. Hot tears bloom in my eyes, but I won't let them fall. I have to be strong.

Aragorn speaks anxiously with Legolas in elvish. If his plan is for me not to hear what they're saying, it's not very effective. I can speak elvish too, Aragorn. "No, please no," I beg. "You can't." Aragorn said that they need to 'remove the blade.'

He turns to me. "Adrianne, we have to. It will only be harder later if we wait."

Legolas takes my hand, and I squeeze his. He moves all of my hair to one side as Aragorn tears open the shirt fabric around the wound. Cool air laps at my bare back. Feeling Aragorn's hand go to the hilt of the dagger, I brace myself. "Do it." I grind out through clenched teeth.

Three

Two

One.

Scorching pain leaps through my whole body as I feel the blade leave my body, but I cannot cry out in pain. It will attract unwanted attention to the fellowship. Instead of screaming, I bite down on my bottom lip until I am sure that I have no lip left to bite. Anger boils inside of me when I feel hot tears splash down my face.

I tried so hard to be brave. I tried so hard to be strong. But look at me.

I let the rage cool down to dissapointment in myself as Aragorn ties a tight tourniquet around my torso. I release my grip a little on Legolas's hand. There's no point in staying angry with myself and wishing I had been stronger. All I can do now is stop crying and put on a brave face.

"Whoa, whoa!" Aragorn pushes me down gently. "What do you think you're doing?"

"I'm being strong." I say, pretending I don't feel the icy, flaming pain in my back as I try to stand up. For a split second I am up, but then my knees buckle and I get ready to fall on my face like a fool. Luckily both Legolas and Aragorn catch me, saving me from an embarrasing moment.

"Absolutely not, Adrianne," Aragorn scolds in an older-brother manner. "You're hurt. You can't just decide to get up and keep going all by yourself. You'll only hurt yourself more."

"Aragorn - " But Legolas scoops me up effortlessly, cutting off my words. I groan.

"Adrianne, look at me," Aragorn says. I frown at him. He ignores my glare and continues his thought. "Don't worry about not being strong enough - you already are. You're the strongest girl I know." My frown only deepens. That honestly doesn't say much. For all I know, the other girls Aragorn knows could be beautiful princesses waiting for their knights in shining armour to save them. Yeah, hopefully I'd be stronger than them.

Boromir and Aragorn get everyone on their feet, and we set off for the woods of Lothlórien. I scowl up at the sky as I am carried by either Legolas or Aragorn, depending on what hour it is. They rotate turns each hour. I know it does me no good to stay mad, but I can't help feeling pathetic and thinking of what a drag I must be. This is awful.

When we reach the edge of a large, tall forest, the fellowship halts. "The woods of Lothlórien..." Gimli grumbles, shifting his axe in his hand. His disdain for the elven race is clear, but I notice a faint look of awe glittering in his eyes as he looks up at the magnificent trees, with leaves of gold and brown falling from the branches every now and then.

"I feel better," I say confidently to Legolas, who is currently carrying me. "I'm grateful for all your help, of course, but I think I can walk now."

He looks down at me with slightly worried eyes, and for a moment I wonder if he heard me or not. But then, he says, "Okay, you can try, since I know it would make you much happier," and gently settles me down on my feet.

Every bit of confidence I had earlier dissolves after my first step. I almost fall to the ground, but Legolas's arms come around me. "I...I'm sorry. I can't," I mumble, and he swings me back up in his arms. My eye lids close in defeat.

After a bit of walking in silence, Legolas whispers into my ear. "Sometimes being strong is knowing when to ask for help, Adrianne. It doesn't make you weak - it means that you know your strengths and limitations."

Despite it all, I smile.