I'll learn to dance in the rain [korrasami]

12

Asami

When I'm feeling triggered the world and everyone in it is placed behind fifty feet of glass. Bonds become inaccessible and I stand alone until I get my emotions in check. It's my job to protect others from feeling like this, but I didn't see on the job description that I'd be the one that would need some guidance at some point.

In my half dream state I'm standing in a puddle and looking down to see my reflection is a zombie, our soles touching yet separate. Leaving wasn't the greatest idea, but I feared if I stayed in that room for a little longer, I'd end up stealing all of the attention with my sudden river of tears. That's not what I'm there for, I'm there to help, provide care, not to be the patient.

I lean against a railing, looking over the wall and down at the stairs below as people walk up and down them, laughing and chatting. Now I'm thinking that Korra isn't just a patient to me, she's shown me more things in a couple of days than someone has in my whole lifetime.

I dreamt of her last night. Now I'm standing in a puddle, panting with my thoughts clouded by the fictional world I spelt upon. There's an ache in my chest which I try to clutch onto but my hands don't provide any comfort at all: so I press my front closer to the wall with a burning desire for my pathetic dream to become a reality.

It hurts so much to want something I can't have. And I want her so badly it's just not possible. I memorised the shape of her name on my tongue and wondered how it compared to the feeling of her: lips pressed against mine.

There's a couple walking up the stairs, hand in hand with smiles that could make the grey clouds in the sky part so the sun could shine through. I could almost see the invisible red lace that's wrapped around their fingers, binding them together.

I was never one to believe in soulmates. As the idea of being fated to a genuine bond seemed more then foreign in this corrupt world. But then she came along, radiating her warmth, even in a cold country such as this one, just by walking by. The way she subtly gives touches of reassurance even though it should be the other way around, reminding me of the serene feeling that only comes from standing under the pouring rain as each droplet hits my skin.

I still find myself pinching my wrists ever so often and wondering how many people I must have saved in my past life. To have had the chance to find her in this one, let alone getting to be the one to stand by her. I don't quite know what I'd do without her. Even though this world is evil, cursing the wrong people with unimaginable things, I suppose I could believe it's not all bad, because how could it be if it's directed me onto her path?

I let my head fall, only to be caught by my hands. My fingers grip onto my hair and if I tug any harder I'll more than likely pull out fistfuls.

"Oh, for the love of God, you've got me wrapped around your finger." I say to the red bricks that are in my view, yet I've got her certain blue eyes in my mind.

I really like her don't I? And what a shame that is.

I know I shouldn't get attached to this temporary feeling. But I just can't help it. I get a glimpse of what happiness could look like, a peek on the greener side, the whole reason why I moved. I can't help but throw myself onto its grass padded floor: indulge myself in the feeling of it's safety. Even though it's going to hurt when she's gone- it's going to hurt so, so much- but maybe this will last?

I shake my head with the thought of the impossible. No, it won't. But I suppose that's the price I'll pay for feeling as much as I do.

My phone demands my attention when it buzzes in my pocket and to my surprise it's Ginger. After leveling out my breathing, I answer it on the second buzz.