Petal [h.s.]

Chapter 66

TW: mentions of self-harm and body dysmorphia

Violet.

"Good afternoon." I smiled faintly at Lana who walked through the gates of the RSP at the same time as me. Her face lit up upon seeing me, and she patted my shoulder as we walked in the building together.

"Violet! Oh my God, I feel like I haven't seen you in ages!" She exclaimed and I nodded. "I know. We haven't worked together in a while."

"I look forward to it." Lana smiled.

Ever since Eve had arrived and we realized she didn't do well with no women on service at the RSP, Lana and I had been splitting shifts to make sure there was always at least one woman in the building for her.

I had switched shifts with Stephen today, doing his afternoon and evening shift while he took the morning from me. He had asked to swap in order to attend his grandmother's funeral, something I of course had no issue with whatsoever.

My head felt hazy as we walked through the corridors. After spending my first night in my new room, I realized it didn't feel any better than sleeping in Harry's room.

I thought I'd be calmer to know he wasn't next to me, to know he couldn't see or touch me. But it wasn't. I could still see or touch myself, and that was enough to spiral me into another completely restless night.

I had looked forward to a free morning because it meant I could sleep in, but I couldn't remember how the hours had gone by besides me lying on my side of the bed, staring at a blank wall the entire morning.

The black hoodie that I wore felt comforting in the warm weather. My hair was long enough now to put it up in a bun, and I had put concealer under my eyes in an attempt to hide the dark bags that seemed permanent now.

Even though I felt like absolute shit, I had never received more compliments about my appearance from the group of kids at the RSP. They seemed to like the Violet who wore more make-up and put more effort into her hair.

Little did they know I was crumpling on the inside and felt like a stranger in my own skin.

Ian and Timothy were whispering about something on the couches and I quickly sent a smile their way. I was sure by now that Ian had informed Timothy that I was aware of their situation and that I wasn't going to say anything.

Timothy sent me his usual dirty look back, glaring at me from a distance while I let out a sigh and disappeared into the office for a bit to put down my stuff.

I continued to try and make amends with Timothy, continued to try and give him chances, continued to try and like him for both of our sakes and for Ian's. But somehow, he made it so hard for me and I felt like giving up completely, accepting that him and I would never be friends.

I couldn't understand what Ian saw in him. But it wasn't my issue, nor my problem. He seemed happy, which was the main goal here.

Lana and I started the afternoon of with a bit of a presentation about climate change. We included some games to keep the attention going, but attempted to teach the kids a little something about sustainability and how their behaviour affected our beloved mother earth.

They seemed less than excited about the topic, to the point where Lana actually kicked Arlo out of the room because he was annoying us so much.

"Well, then what do you guys want to learn about?" I sighed desperately, our climate thing not a big hit.

"We should talk about sex more!" Nellie exclaimed and I rolled my eyes, "I'm pretty sure you're all educated enough in that department."

Ian shifted in his seat uncomfortably, and I also noticed Eve sinking into her seat more. I cleared my throat and diverted my attention back to Nellie. "If you want to talk about sex, we can do that in private. I'm not bringing this up in this group."