Petal [h.s.]

Chapter 77

TW: mentions of self-harm (non-graphic)

Harry.

It was the day of the therapy session that Nicolas and I had planned with Violet, and I was nervous. I kept folding and unfolding the letter I had written until some of the ink was fading already. I put it down on my table and clamped my clammy hands together, pacing around my room for a bit.

Violet would only be here in about twenty minutes, but I had been having an uneasy feeling ever since I had woken up. She visited me two days ago and we cried together on the couch, speaking our truths and letting things out in the open.

It felt like healing.

It felt good.

It didn't feel good to know I had completely broken her heart, and it felt even worse that I could hardly remember any of it. I hadn't told her yet about the brain scan they had performed here at Clarendale's when I arrived, seeing the damage the years of drugs had done to my most prized organ.

My heart had to work overtime to pump blood around since I damaged so many vessels from all the coke. I was definitely high risk of developing a heart condition, as well as having seizures.

I sat down on the couch, fiddling with my fingers and focussing on my breath. It wasn't the time or place to think about drugs, but I was nervous and I couldn't help but feel like I needed something to take the edge off.

The twenty minutes I had left were not enough to head down to the gym and get a work-out in, I'd never be done in time to take a shower and go to Nicolas.

I got up to my feet and stuffed the letter in the pocket of my track pants, heading towards the door. I needed to be out of this room, I needed air. I hurried through the hallways, on my way outside, on my way to the gardens. I could walk around the pond for a little bit, see if I could spy any new fish today. I needed something to take my mind off of things.

"Harry, right?" The female voice startled me as I was lost in thought. I noticed I was almost out of breath from walking so fast, and I saw the girl leaning against the brick wall of the building, a cigarette between her lips.

Her ashy blonde hair looked brushed and neater than when she was cowered away in the corner as Violet tried to calm her down.

Alyssa.

I cleared my throat and nodded. "Yeah, hi."

"I'm Alyssa."

"I know."

She took the cigarette out of her mouth and puffed out a breath of smoke. "You want one?"

"Yes, please." I sighed, approaching her and mimicking her position. The sun was shining and it was a beautiful June day. I couldn't wait to be out of here and enjoy the weather with Violet on our own terms. Clarendale's was a great facility and provided me with a lot of freedom to choose what I did with my time, but I still missed certain things.

"Thanks." I muttered when Alyssa handed me a cigarette and her lighter. The smoke entering my lungs calmed me down slightly as my heartbeat was still hammering in my chest. I needed to calm down, I couldn't face Violet like this. The idea that I had to watch her face as she'd read my letter, was making me anxious all over again.

"How's your girlfriend? Violet was her name, no?" Alyssa asked and I watched her side profile as I turned my head to see her. She looked pale, and I knew she was still going through withdrawal. The talk she had with Violet was two weeks ago now, and she was a heavy heroin addict.