Petal [h.s.]

Chapter 69

TW: mentions of self-harm (graphic) and body dysmorphia

Violet.

By the time morning rolled around, I was more out of my head than ever. I felt completely empty as I glanced down to my arms, seeing the deep, red lines disturb the ivory skin of my wrists as my alarm went off to go to work in the afternoon. 

My pillow was wet from crying, and I had been watching a spider crawl on the wall for a few hours as I laid on the right side of the large bed.

I put on black pants and a black jumper after I had bandaged up my arms, making sure the open wounds didn't get infected. The towel had been put back over the mirror as I skipped any make-up altogether today, putting my hair in a small braid before I grabbed my things and walked out.

I was hesitant as I walked by Harry's door, but I was too scared to knock and have a conversation with him. I hadn't heard him come home even though I was pretty sure I had been awake all night.

What happened at the meeting last night was not something I was proud of. It was an instinct to slap him, even though I immediately felt guilty about it. 

The way Harry had spoken to me, was enough to break my heart. Knowing that he blamed me for his relapse, and rightfully so, was probably the hardest part of it all.

He could stop loving me, he could insult me, he could do whatever he wanted. But the fact that he had started using again because I had been so absent from his life and it had made him that unhappy, was something that was eating me alive.

I was mindlessly driving to the RSP, thoughts somewhere else until I gasped and stomped on the brakes before I almost hit a red light. My attention was completely gone, and I couldn't focus on anything but the way Harry had looked at me last night. As if I was a stranger. 

His eyes had been filled with hatred. I had no idea how on earth I would be able to focus on work today.

The RSP had a few new residents, one girl and two boys. Ian would also join the group again from next week on, but for now he was still in crisis care after his overdose.

The building was quite busy once I walked in. People were returning from their weekends and colleagues were switching shifts. I said my hello's to everyone and grabbed a gigantic cup of hot coffee as I read through some of the files.

"Hey." Alex smiled as he sat down next to me. I forced one back. "Hi. Ready for another week?"

"Yep. Weather's supposed to be great so we can do tons of outdoor stuff. The new kids are apparently blending in well. Eve and Sasha seem to be friends. Which is good since Nellie's almost leaving and then Eve has another girl here."

I nodded. "I think she's more comfortable with another girl in the group definitely."

"Have you heard about Eve, by the way?"

I cocked up an eyebrow as I took a sip of coffee, shaking my head. "No, what's up?"

Alex sighed and licked his lips. "She returned from her first weekend yesterday and she was covered in bruises. Lana suggested we start looking into foster care because she's clearly not safe on her weekends at home. Also, she relapsed, so she's been set back a week and not allowed on weekend next time."

My eyes widened. "What? Why didn't Lana text me? I'm her personal social worker, I should know this shit!" I exclaimed, instantly scrolling through Eve's file to read the latest update, "Fuck, she relapsed on heroin? This is so bad. Has she had a talk with Bec yet?"