Silent and lonely world (Dark clouds before sunny weather - Book 1)

Chapter 15

Wei Wuxian was still too out of it and only years of practice made him behave more or less normally, although he wanted to just curl up in a ball and cry right now. When he had heard Wen Qing's anamnesis, he almost broke down completely. It was just as he had feared, no, definitely even worse. He himself had at least not been sexually abused, he could not even phantom what it would do to such a young child to know this kind of pain and defilement.

Then again, perhaps Mo Xuanyu did not even know that anything bad had been happening to him. From what Wei Wuxian could tell, the boy behaved quite normally, as if he was used to such horrors as being raped, beaten and living in a garden shack without as much as a single lightbulb or an appropriate blanket. Was it possible that he did really not think these were out of ordinary? Wei Wuxian did not want to even finish his thought about how used to them must have Mo Xuanyu been.

He was still berating himself silently for not noticing anything wrong earlier. He should have, he knew what he should have been looking for. And yet, he had ignored the boy's pain until now. He was a failure of a teacher really. He had even been to several seminars about child abuse, hell, he had even gone through it himself, and yet, he could not even tell that one of his students had been suffering.

Although he had asked Wen Qing to arrange for Mo Xuanyu to live with them for a while, his conscience could not be so easily cleaned.

He got up automatically once Wen Qing stopped talking and was apparently ready to go arrange everything. He shook off his husband's hand, he did not feel like he deserved any comfort, not after he had done absolutely nothing for the boy but drag him all around while he had been bleeding. He went to see Wen Qing out and thanked her for her help, they would definitely keep in touch about this case.

He could tell Lan Zhan was standing just behind him, surely with a worried expression, his hands only itching to reach out for him and hide him in a comforting hug. But he had other things to do right now. There was still A-Yuan's birthday party going on. He should keep an eyes on the children, and probably also make some more lemonade. It was hot today; he did not want anyone else to faint.

He went to the kitchen and started squeezing lemons with much more force than the task actually required. He had to busy his hands and mind so he would not worry about the sleeping boy too much. He wanted to go check on him, to see that he was alright now, safe and sound, still sleeping peacefully.

His efforts were interrupted by a concerned whispering from his husband: "Wei Ying?"

Wei Wuxian still pointedly refused to look up and possibly see disappointment in Lan Zhan's eyes. He was convinced that the other was judging him for not noticing the abuse right off the bat. He would not be able to bear it if he confirmed it from the look on his husband's face and in his eyes. Instead, he pressed the lemons even faster. He was a complete failure, what if something like that was happening to A-Yuan or A-Yi and he also did not notice anything? He was a failure as a parent as well, perhaps Mo Xuanyu should go live temporarily with Wen Qing.

Lan Zhan must have come to him at some point because now, his hands were on Wei Wuxian's, stopping him from reaching for another fruit.

"Wei Ying," another gentle whisper. Wei Wuxian's heart was crumbling, he wanted to see if Lan Zhan was really disappointed in him but he was too scared, and his husband's kindness was making everything even harder.

"I do not think the children would like this."

Wei Wuxian looked at his husband in utter bewilderment. He could hear amusement in his voice and he did not understand at all what could be even remotely funny in this kind of situation. Lan Zhan was pointing at the bowl of pressed lemon in front of him and Wei Wuxian looked down to see what was there.

Indeed, he realized, the children would definitely not like this; there were four times more lemons than he would usually put. He had been so consumed by his thoughts that he did not even notice he had gone through the rest of the lemons they had.

Suddenly, something snapped and he abruptly turned around, launching himself onto his husband. Lan Zhan caught him effortlessly and pulled him closer to his chest. Wei Wuxian buried his head in his husband's chest and finally let all the tension from the last hour out. He started crying, not minding that he would ruin Lan Zhan's shirt.

His husband only offered silent comfort, patting his back and running his fingers through his hair. There was no need for any words between them. Wei Wuxian knew for a fact that Lan Zhan was aware of all his thoughts at the moment and wanted to tell him that he could not have done anything differently. Of course, he could have noticed earlier, but it would have been just pure luck. All the times he had seen Mo Xuanyu in class, he was teaching and the boy was behaving just like any other student. He had only been replacing their teacher for two weeks, not enough time to get to know all his pupils since they only had three classes per week. He could not have done anything differently.

Instead of beating himself up over something he had had no control over, he should be more practical at the moment. He should be worrying about his son's birthday and about the sleeping Mo Xuanyu. He should stop moping around and actually prepare what he was going to tell his own children about their guest. He needed to warn them probably not like that and also, all the children were way too young to actually understand all the horror of it.

No, they should approach this carefully, especially when talking to Mo Xuanyu. They would first have to know the true extent of the abuse and also get him an appointment at a hospital like Wen Qing suggested. Yes, that came first, they could do everything else as they went.

He unglued himself from Lan Zhan's chest, finally calmed down and feeling somewhat embarrassed for his brief moment of weakness and self-doubt. They had been through this numerous times, his husband never failed to remind him of his value and Wei Wuxian loved him for that; all the more that before meeting him, there had never been anyone to do that.

He run his hand over his eyes, making sure he would not get any lemon juice into them, he did not need them to sting even more now. He tilted his head upwards and looked at his husband, finally able to smile again. He did not thank him, they did not need that between them, he was sure that Lan Zhan knew just how grateful he was for his support.

"You are right, Lan Zhan, I should do another batch. Although the children would definitely do some very funny faces trying out this kind of lemonade." He laughed a bit, clearly only joking, he would never serve this to their young guests. "Meanwhile, you go keep an eye on them so they do not ruin the garden or break down the house."