Silent and lonely world (Dark clouds before sunny weather - Book 1)

Chapter 23

Just as every other day, Lan Wangji went to check on the children before going to bed himself. He knew that Wei Ying, who was currently preparing his materials for the next school day, would do that before going to bed as well. But that would be only later in the evening. Now, it was his turn to assure himself that the children were safe and sound asleep. Even more so today that Mo Xuanyu was in their house.

He still had a hard time wrapping his head over how he should approach the boy so he would not make him remember anything painful; he had seen first-hand how he had flinched away from Wei Ying when his husband tried to praise him and only pat his head. If only that much made him react that violently, he worried what else could push him over the edge.

A-Yuan and A-Yi were already fast asleep when he opened the door to Lan Jingyi's room. Lan Wangji had to smile a little bit seeing both his sons so exhausted, with lips stretched apart happily, probably dreaming about all the fun they had at the birthday party. It always warmed his heart to observe them when they were like that. He knew Wei Ying's childhood had not been a happy or an easy one and he was glad that at least their children had yet to come to know about the world's harshness.

That could have however not been said for Mo Xuanyu. When Lan Wangji opened the door to A-Yuan's bedroom where the boy was now sleeping, he found him curled into a ball on the ground with a distressed expression on his face. Lan Wangji wondered for a second why Mo Xuanyu was laying on the ground, had he perhaps fell out of the bed because of his nightmare? No, that could not be right, he would have heard the noise if that was the case. The house was quiet; he would have noticed.

So that left only one option, the boy must have laid down on the ground in the first place. Lan Wangji could not understand what could have pushed him to do so when Wei Ying had surely told him to sleep in the bed, it would be more comfortable and also better for his injuries.

Almost without thinking, Lan Wangji made his way into the room and towards the boy on the ground. He reached out his hand to shake his shoulder and opened his mouth to call his name.

Luckily, he stopped himself just in time before actually touching the boy. He realized, almost too late, that it would have surely seemed like he was trying to attack him in his sleep, and that would have completely broken all the trust Mo Xuanyu could have had for them. What should he do though? He did not want to let the boy sleep on the ground but he did not want to frighten him either.

Mo Xuanyu, as if he had sensed that someone was looming above him, stirred in his sleep and his eyes shot open. He sat up quickly, drawing his body away from Lan Wangji, as far as his back pressed against the bed frame would allow him.

Lan Wangji immediately also drew back and quietly whispered: "A-Yu? It is fine, it is just me."

He was glad he remembered to call the boy by the nickname A-Yuan had come up with because it seemed to have calmed him down considerably; although he still looked very distressed, much like an animal driven into a corner. Lan Wangji still made a move backwards so he would give Mo Xuanyu more space before he would finally understand where exactly he was at the moment and that his family would not be able to hurt him here. He could not tell if the boy's family used to wake him up from his sleep in unpleasant ways, but from Mo Xuanyu's reaction, he concluded that it was a safe assumption.

"A-Yu, your family is not here." He tried to reassure the boy further and it seemed to work at last.

Mo Xuanyu eventually focused his eyes on him and he looked almost apologetic when he lowered his head. It was a pitiful sigh and Lan Wangji was quick to act to correct it.

"It is fine, you did nothing bad." This time, the boy's eyes grew wide with surprise. "You just looked uncomfortable sleeping down there. Would you like to sleep on the bed?"

Lan Wangji purposefully made it a question. He wanted to give Mo Xuanyu an option to refuse if he was indeed not comfortable with sleeping on the bed. For what he knew, the sexual abuse could have very well taken place in one and the boy could have been under the impression that every time he went to bed, bad things would happen to him.

And he had been right it seemed when Mo Xuanyu looked at him with a frightened expression for a while but he did not reply in any way. Lan Wangji thought that perhaps he needed a little bit more encouragement: "It is fine; you can tell me. I will not punish you for your decision." He felt more and more out of his depth dealing with the boy, he was not the right person to do this, not really.

Mo Xuanyu still observed him closely and Lan Wangji made sure to appear calm, welcoming and understanding. He was certain that he did not quite manage that; however, after another second, the boy shook his head the tiniest bit. That was it, he did not want to sleep in a bed. Although they would have to work through this as well, tonight was not the time.

"Would you prefer sleeping on a mattress on the ground?" Lan Wangji asked, hoping to receive a positive reply this time. He really did not want Mo Xuanyu to sleep on the hard ground and get sore muscles in the morning.

Luckily, the boy was more trusting this time, or perhaps he was just really tired and wanted to go back to sleep and not deal with Lan Wangji at the moment. He nodded his head once, although still looking a bit unsure, probably wondering if he actually could request something.

"Good. I will bring it." Lan Wangji felt a part of his own stress disappear at Mo Xuanyu's affirmation. He did not wait and immediately went out of the room to retrieve a second inflatable mattress they had in their home, Mo Xuanyu would just sleep like A-Yuan.

It did not even take five minutes for him to get everything out and for the boy to be comfortably, at least it seemed to be the case, tucked inside the covers. He was still looking at him with big eyes full of gratitude. Something tugged at Lan Wangji's heart, this was not a thing that such a small child should actually be this grateful for. Once again, he had to wonder how the boy had been living until now.

At that moment, Lan Wangji had a strong urge to kiss Mo Xuanyu's forehead, just as he did to A-Yuan and A-Yi every evening. However, he was not sure it would be welcomed. He could scare the boy and have him withdraw into himself again, all the small progress he had just achieved could be for naught. But then, he looked into the child's eyes again and found his resolution, he would risk it.

He had a sudden flashback of the time he was helping Wei Ying overcome his own trauma and how helpful and appreciated it had been for his husband to be shown that someone loved him. Even though this was another type of love he was dealing with right now, Lan Wangji was already a father so he could give love to three children instead of just two.

Slowly, he kneeled beside the mattress, counting it as a victory that the boy did not flinch away from him. And then he planted a small kiss on Mo Xuanyu's forehead. The boy seemed completely stunned as he lifted one of his hands and put it onto the place where he had just received the kiss. Lan Wangji was glad that his reaction seemed positive, seeing a smile blossom on his lips.

He went back to the door and before he turned off the lights, he whispered: "Good night, A-Yu."