Silent and lonely world (Dark clouds before sunny weather - Book 1)

Chapter 20

Lan Wangji was watching Mo Xuanyu with concern. He saw how the boy did not seem to want to join them at the table and wondered if he was perhaps not used to eating with his family. Not when he was standing in a corner, apparently trying to look as small as possible. Then again, under the circumstances, perhaps he had been afraid to. He could vividly imagine the small boy cowering in fear, trying to avoid a beating, and waiting for the family to finish eating so he would be able to have his share.

When Wei Ying invited Mo Xuanyu to join them, it was clear that the boy had been surprised. However, he did not protest and came to sit down immediately. Lan Wangji had to wonder if it was because he feared they would be angry if he did not obey them or because he actually wanted to. That was a hard question to ask; and he would probably not because he did not want to make Mo Xuanyu even more uncomfortable than he already was.

He was only halfway through his plate when he noticed that the boy's soup was all but gone. He must have been very hungry to have eaten it this quickly. And then he remembered what Wen Qing had told them; the boy was underweight and malnourished, they had to get him to eat a lot more than just one plate of soup. He would have to have a look into a proper diet for him.

For now, it would however do Mo Xuanyu good to eat as much as he could. So Lan Wangji asked, cautiously, very much aware of the fact that the boy had been flinching every time someone addressed him: "Do you want more?"

He did not know what kind of reaction he had expected when he had asked. Perhaps he should have known better than to be waiting for a reply. He really did not know. One thing was clear though, the boy was now looking at him with a completely incredulous expression, his mouth slightly agape as if he wanted to say something but was not able to.

After a second when it became obvious that Mo Xuanyu would indeed not say aloud whether he wanted more soup or not, Lan Wangji just took his plate and filled it again. When he put the full dish down, the boy only continued to stare at him. It was becoming a bit uncomfortable for Lan Wangji, he did not know what exactly, something in Mo Xuanyu's eyes was making him want to cry, a child should not have such an awed look just because he was given one more serving of food.

"Enjoy," he told the boy, hoping that he would divert his attention away from himself, hopefully towards the food again. Mo Xuanyu really needed to eat more and now was already too late, his family should have given him proper meals. He decided he would give him a bigger portion of the leftover birthday cake for dessert.

He was taken aback by his thoughts. He had known already that the boy had been abused by the closest to him, Wei Ying and Wen Qing told him as much. But only now did it truly sink in what it meant in all its monstrosity. How much the boy was influenced by what had happened to him, how much it had impacted him, not only physically, bruises and wounds would eventually fade and heal, leaving nothing more than scars, but memories would remain. Just like it had been for Wei Ying.

Would Mo Xuanyu also suffer from nightmares even years after today? Would any small and insignificant thing or remark make him remember his past suffering? Would he still be able to see the good in the world and people around him? Or was he already broken deep inside, where no one but him would be able to reach and try to right what had been so horribly distorted? How long it would take for him to believe that even Lan Wangji, Wei Ying, their sons and possibly other people did not want him any harm? Would he be willing and able to accept their help?

He could not even imagine how hard it would be for someone who had been treated so horribly to start anew. It surely was not easy for Wei Ying. They have known each other for years and still it was hard for his husband to accept his help and support. It was hard for both of them and they first had to know their own boundaries and weaknesses. How hard must it be for a boy who is much younger than Wei Ying had been and surrounded by complete strangers? How hard would it still be for him in the future?

Lan Wangji was lost so deep in his thoughts that he had almost missed how Wei Ying gently but resolutely refused Mo Xuanyu helping him clean and wash the plates and send him to play with their sons. A fleeting concern washed over him, he wondered if the boy even knew how to play, if he had even been allowed to play. If he had ever had fun in his own home or if it was only suffering and fear.

He however brushed the though away, it was not important anymore. They were not going to ever send him back to that hell, the past did not matter, at least in this particular aspect, they would let the boy enjoy everything that a ten-year-old should. He was sure that Wei Ying would actually spoil him rotten but he had no arguments against that, Mo Xuanyu deserved it. He deserved to get to know normal life, just as any child.

When the children left, A-Yi dragging Mo Xuanyu in the direction of his room, Lan Wangji went immediately to his husband's side. He knew that Wei Ying would be distressed despite smiling until now.

And sure enough. When he hugged his husband from behind, Wei Ying turned around and snuggled closer to him, seeking comfort. The hands in which he was holding one of the plates were trembling slightly, a clear sign of just how emotional and unstable his mind was at the moment. Lan Wangji kissed his forehead and rubbed soothing circles into the small of his back with his thumbs. Wei Ying snuggled a bit closer to him and Lan Wangji took this opportunity to take the plate away from his hands.

He kissed him again and started humming a slow melody he had composed for the other once upon a time when Wei Ying had troubles falling asleep and was prone to panic attacks. Slowly but surely, his husband relaxed in his arms. It took another long moment for him to finally let Lan Wangji know what was on his mind:

"Lan Zhan, that poor child. Did you see how afraid he was of joining us for dinner? Do you think he was not allowed by his aunt and uncle to do so when he was with them? It is too sad really. And infuriating too. I see myself in his shoes, although it had been different for me. And the only thing I want to do is to go out and confront those so called guardians of his.

Why do you think they did it? Do they hate him? Or are they just so cruel they would hurt an innocent child, their nephew no less? Are they alcoholics perhaps? I want to understand the reason; it cannot be that they did all of that just because. Did they even consider how devastating the consequences would be for A-Yu? He cannot even stop himself from flinching at his own name!"

Lan Wangji felt his husband getting worked up. He could not say he disagreed with his line of thoughts, he would have also liked to go tell these people a piece of his mind if he believed it would change anything. But it would not unfortunately, not for Mo Xuanyu anyway. They should leave these matters to the authorities and focus on helping the boy recover.

"A-Yu is safe; we will help him." Lan Wangji tried to convince his husband to focus on something else.

It worked as Wei Ying tilted his head upwards, looking directly into Lan Wangji's eyes when he gently kissed him: "Of course we will. I am just rumbling and trying to get some steam off. I know it would change nothing for me to get angry at this point. Let us just make sure that we provide the best environment for A-Yu to recover in for now. We can figure everything else later."

"Mn," agreed Lan Wangji and kissed his husband again. He continued to hold him for a while longer, until it was clear that Wei Ying was completely fine. Only then did he let go so they could start cleaning up after the dinner.