Tears In Heaven

6 - I Hate Myself More

"D-daughter?" Napatingin ako sa mama ni Fara as I heard those words

"Yes, Hades. Fara gave birth to a kid... she gave birth to your daughter"

Parang lalong gumuho mundo ko that she suffered more than I thought she did. At lahat yun kasalanan ko.

"Napakawalang kwenta ko... sobrang napakawalang kwenta kong tao" sambit ko falling my face down Fara's grave.

"Hades... magtatanong ako sayo" sambit ng mama ni Fara that made me stand up

"Bakit mo iniwan ang anak ko? Did you really love her? Have you ever loved her?"

"Tita... I'm sorry... maling mali ako... sobrang mali ako sa ginawa ko"

"Bakit Hades? Bakit mo iniwan ang anak ko?"

Not even able to face her mom straight up... bumalik saken yung pagkakataong iniwan ko si Fara

"Hades!! Hades please!!"

"Fara tama na!! Wala kang kinabukasan saken!! Long distance won't ever work! Walang kasiguraduhan ang pagbalik ko! I don't even need something to bother me habang nasa malayong lugar ako!"

"Wala ka bang tiwala saken?! After I gave up everything for you?! After I gave myself to you?! You will now find yourself on your own?! Hahanapin mo sarili mo at iiwan mo ko ng ganun lang?!"

"Oo!"

"Hades... Hades minahal mo ba ko?"

"I don't know"

"Y-you don't know?" Sambit niya and as I look into her eyes, tears started falling down

Naiyukom ko ang kamao ko stopping myself from holding her. Nasaktan ko na naman siya. Nasaktan ko na naman si Fara. But this time... this time I know this will leave her scarred for a very long time

"This is all games. Sumugal lang ako sayo. I don't even know how I feel for you"

I wanted to punch my own mouth for saying those words. If only I can rewind. If only I can stop time. Sana kinausap ko siya ng ayos... sana nagtanong ako... coz I thought she'd be wanting to breakup na ako na yung nagcall off ng relasyon namin. At umalis ako ng bansa trying to move on from something that didn't even exist.

I saw her a few times with a guy. At nagselos ako. She's not telling me details about him but I know she meets up with him.

Little did I know that he's the son of her doctor. Anak ng doktor na nagbabantay sa sakit niya. Sa sakit niya na wala ako kahit isang hiblang alam. Ang laki laki kong tanga.

Hindi ko din aakalaing... wala na kaming magiging sunod na pagkakataon pa... na pagkatapos ng tagpong yun... wala ka na.

"Tell me, Hades... pinaglaruan mo lang ba talaga ang anak ko? Coz I won't oblige you to be Claire's father if you say so"

"Tita wag please... g-gusto ko makita anak ko..." nakaluhod na saad ko

"For once. Hades, just for once... tell me the truth"

I... never did say any truth ever since we met. I never told her enough the words she wanted... and now... I'm really regretting it.

"I love her" I said crying my heart out "minahal ko si Fara... at mahal na mahal ko pa rin siya tita... sobrang mahal na mahal ko si Fara..."

"Have you told her that?"

"No... and I hate myself for being an asshole"

"Wala nang magagawa pa yang pagsisisi mo. Ngayon... tatanungin kita, tanggap mo ba yung bata?"

"Y-yes.... Yes tita... gusto kong makita anak ko... anak namin ni Fara..."

"I badly want to punch your face for the pain you caused my daughter. Sobra sobra yung pinagdaanan ng anak ko ng dahil sayo... she fought her own life loving you"

"I'm sorry" those were the only words coming out of my mouth

"Lala!!"

Parang nanigas ang buong katawan ko hearing a little girl's voice. I looked at the kid running towards us only to see the girl I first met here

"C-claire?"

"Siya ang anak niyo... siya ang anak mo Hades"