Tears In Heaven

11 - Moving Forward

As days went on, I carried on with my life... focusing on work... focusing on my daughter. Minsan, nagigising pa rin ako sa gabi, missing her. Wanting to see her. Pero iniisip ko na lang palagi yung mga sinabi niya nung araw na yun.

"Kailangan ka ng anak natin, Hades. Wala na ko sa tabi niya. Ikaw na ang magiging saklay niya sa pagpapatuloy ng buhay."

It's never going to be easy. Never. Pero alam kong kasama ko pa rin si Fara sa pagkakataong to. 

I make sure to always make time for my daughter, kahit na pagod na ko sa trabaho. I don't want to make the same mistakes I did to her mother. That I ended up crushing my own life for it. Losing her.

"Papa!"

"Hey, baby!" bati ko dito pag-uwi ko

"You look tired papa. You take a rest na po"

"I will baby. Can I have a kiss?"

"Of course!" and so she did.

I'm just really lucky as well as to how understanding Claire is. Sa murang edad alam niya kapag kailangan ko ng panahong magpahinga o mapag-isa. Alam niya pag kailangan ko ng yakap o ng presensiya niya. Kagaya lang ng mama niya noon. Kagaya lang ni Fara.

I still come to a point where I miss her mom, but with Claire around, she gives me the same comfort her mom gives me. Sila lang talaga may kayang gumawa nun saken.

"Claire?"

"Yes, papa?"

"You want to go out this weekend?"

"Where to papa?"

"We'll go somewhere full of stars baby"

"Really?! Wow!!"

"Gusto mo yun?"

"Yes papa! So I can also see mama!"

"Huh?"

"Mama told me before that whenever I miss her I can just look up the sky, whenever there's a bright star that shone more than anything else, that's her waving at me"

"Really?"

"Yes papa. But I can barely see one here because all the houses have bright lights."

"I see. Okay, we'll... we'll see mama on the weekend okay?"

"Yey!!"

"Oh siya, you better go to sleep na. Gabi na din baby. I told you before you didn't have to wait for papa di ba?"

"But I still want to because mama said that's what she always wanted"

"Ang alin baby?"

"To see you come home, papa"

Napatingala na lang ako sa sinabi ng anak ko. Everything Fara has told Claire before she left, Claire lives it off. She does whatever her mom wasn't able to do. At ako nakakasaksi non, kaya doble yung sakit na tumatama sa puso ko.

I shook my head to stop myself from crying bago nagsalita sa anak ko.

"I'd try to go home earlier for you baby. Para hindi napupuyat ang prinsesa ko"

"Really papa? Promise??"

"Promise"

Pagkatapos nun hinatid ko na si Claire sa kwarto niya and sung her to sleep. Nabanggit din kasi ni Claire that Fara always sings her a song or a lullaby, and I am now continuing what she left. I won't be tired to do this. Kahit pa pagod na pagod ako sa trabaho. Never.

"Tomorrow's gonna be a rough road but with you beside me, with your presence guiding me and Claire. Alam kong kaya ko to. Kakayanin ko, Fara. Para sa inyo ng anak ko" sambit ko sa sarili ko kissing my daughter's forehead nang makatulog na ito sa paghele na ginawa ko.