Loving You is a Losing Game | PJM

Ch. 11

                                   

Jimin watched her walking down the aisle and felt nothing but hatred followed by a wave of nausea.

Cursing his heart for not standing the ground. 'What happened to "I hate you" and I'll never marry you"?" A voice mocked him

He spent whole night before wedding thinking what he had done wrong in his life to deserve this. 'It was all Aera's fault' he blamed the other girl. Only if she hadn't begged him to agree to Hannah's deal for the sake of all these years together. How was he supposed to say no to her so he agreed. A flashback came scurrying to his mind.

The girl on her knees bawling her eyes out begging him to agree to this marriage. He kept refusing and her wailing getting louder by the moment.

But now the question was how was he supposed to live with the person he loathed. Jimin even didn't want to breathe the same air as her if it was possible.

"Please Jimin I won't be able to live if that happens. I beg you. Only you can help me." Her voice muffled in crying.

Jimin disliked Hannah and he wasn't making a single effort to hide it. The wedding was small. It only contained Jimin's immediate family, a few friends and his members. The number of people from her side were even less than that. There were no family members, not even her parents and Jimin's mother asked him about it but what could he say.

His parents were shocked when he told them about the marriage ceremony that was just two days away. At first his parents completely disagreed to it and Jimin had to beg them.
He barely managed to explain them that why he wasn't marrying Aera and who this new girl was. He lied of course saying that Aera didn't love him anymore and all that bullshit about how he now loved Hannah. He tried so hard not to throw up while saying Hannah and love in the same sentence.

The members were equally shocked because that wasn't the bride they were expecting.

"Are you sure we're at right place. That's not Aera." Jungkook who was standing close to Jimin whispered. A lump formed in Jungkook's throat as the girl walked closer towards to Jimin. She'd belong to someone else soon, Jungkook thought.

"I'm not marrying Aera. And I'd appreciate if any of you don't talk about her." Jimin replied in annoyance and the others got the message except Jungkook who was fighting the urge to run away from the place. He didn't know what was happening to his heart but he did know it was hurting.

Jimin's heart was hurting too. That's not how he wanted his marriage to take place. He always dreamed of it as a day he'd be happiest, his heart always bloomed whenever he thought about it. He imagined it to be a surreal and unforgettable moment. It was anything but that. It was unforgettable though.

"You can leave her after sometime after all this die down. Please Jimin I can't. Please___ we've spent our lives together. You love me. Do it for the sake of that love."

"You're being so selfish." He protested.

"I know I'm selfish. Just let me be selfish for once. I've done things for you ,you don't even know of. I can't tell you but believe me only if you knew." Two years. Just a few days after engagement she finally realized she wasn't into men. She somewhat had an idea since she was 18 but she was sure now.
But she spent two years pretending to be in love and enjoy every intimate moment with him when the only thing she felt was torment, the battle in her own self, a painful dilemma, a feeling of always lingering fear.

It completely wasn't for him but still. She didn't want to break his heart so she kept on going with all that.

He felt nothing but hate towards the girl who was now standing in front of him. He said his vows that he memorized last night in monotonous voice and didn't even bother to hear what Hannah's vows were.

"I have loved you for so long that my heart doesn't even feel mine now. It beats for you more than it do for me." A memory of the day he confessed.

He felt numb as nothing mattered right now. He couldn't hear anything.
Every voice was blocked out, his mind kept playing the moments he and Aera shared. The long talks they had about vows and their first kiss as husband and wife. The moments in which he truly was happy.

"I'll be the luckiest person on this planet if your answer is yes. I love you." He remembered saying this to Aera when he proposed her.

Another flashback.

"I've seen people talk about doing anything for their lover and backing down when the time comes. I promise you, you'll find me standing in front of your every problem before it reaches you." He was reminded of the promise he made to Aera when they first made love. He had to keep the promise because now was the time to show that he meant it and he truly wasn't one of those people who back down after promising.

And before Jimin knew it he found himself accepting her as his wife. He mechanically leaned to kiss her and stepped back after a moment. It felt nauseating as he kept wiping his lips like he had touch something disgusting.

Hannah seemed to notice it, she winced at the feeling of hurt but immediately forced a smile. He was forced into this so, it was quite expected.

The wedding was already far from normal so when Jimin excused himself before their first dance, nobody said anything. The dinner was served to guests and Hannah politely excused herself too after having a small talk with Jimin's parents.

Jimin drove to their secret place where he and Aera used to go. He sat on the rooftop staring at sky.
Something choking him to death. He tried to cry but his eyes were dry like they ran out of tears. He wanted to scream until his words dry out but a lump in his throat prevented him to do it.

"I don't deserve this. Why'd you had to do that?" He finally sobbed. "Why? I thought I was enough for you Aera. You ruined everything. Everything." He sobbed again.
"I love you, I still love you. How can I be with her after what she has done to us? She__she destroyed our relationsh__." He sniffled and then a voice rang indicating he reached the voicemail limit.

Now he realized why it's said not to make promises when happy but what could he do now?