Loving You is a Losing Game | PJM

Ch. 54

"I'm sorry about that." Jimin apologized for hundredth time as they walked through endless row of moon doors adorned with different types of vines that were wrapping themselves around the frame of the doors.
They were loaded with flowers to the point that it were dangling down to the path.

"Mhmm." Hannah hummed acknowledging his apology. They were out again, this time for a little walk in the night. Jimin texted asking if she wanted to go and she agreed without complain. She just wanted to get over with it before her feelings would overwhelmed her and try to temper her decision.

They were strolling for a while now. Most of it was silent except for the times Jimin would say sorry. He himself didn't know why he was apologizing. Was he apologizing for showing his love? Wasn't he allowed to do that?
He was confused. The only thing he knew was that his sudden affection had stunned her and it didn't seem like a good type of stunned.

They came to a stop spotting a bench and sat there watching the moon. It reminded Jimin of the night they went to watch sky lanterns. An idea sparked in his mind. He remembered telling Hannah that he'd bring her there again. He didn't get the chance to do it but now was the time.

"Hannah." Jimin cleared his throat before speaking and she turned her attention to him.

"Do you want to go back to watch sky lanterns?" He hesitantly asked.

"There's still 7 months till the festival." Hannah corrected him. Jimin nodded and began. "Doesn't matter. We don't have to wait for 7 months. We can bring our own lanterns. It'd be beautiful either way."

Hannah glanced at him for a moment and then went back to following the moon moving in the clouds.

"Okay."

_______

Hannah gasped at the pile of lanterns lying on the edge of the little hill. There were some in the sky too that had her wondering where did they come from.
When Jimin said they'd bring the lanterns, Hannah expected it to be a bunch of them. But what she was seeing was more than that. It was the same as festival night.

Jimin stood a little behind smiling and satisfied at her reaction. Before they arrived there, he asked Jungkook and Taehyung to bring all these lanterns.
The younger two played a little and lit some of them and that's where the ones in the sky came from.

"Come here." Jimin motioned her to sit on the blanket patting the place near him. She walked as if still in daze and took the seat beside him.

"Want to light them up or should we wait a little more?" Jimin asked her handing her the drink that he bought on the way there.

"I can wait till it gets a little bit more dark." Hannah replied to his question while sipping the drink.
They could stay longer than the last time because it wasn't cold. The breeze actually felt good, fluttering their clothes.

They didn't had to wait for long for darkness to prevail. Jimin stood up holding out his hand for Hannah who mindlessly grasped it as a support to stand up. Jimin tried to act as normal as he could, praying that he wouldn't get sweaty hands or otherwise he'd have to let go of her hand.

He helped Hannah lit the lanterns one by one and released them. Once she got the hold of it, Jimin moved to side and waited till she was done. She turned around to see him holding last one of the paper lamp, still unlit. Jimin asked her to come closer.

When she did, Jimin raised his hand asking permission to hold her hand. Not knowing what to do, Hannah hesitantly let him do it. Jimin adjusted himself so that now Hannah was standing in front of him while both of them had one hand holding the lamp. Jimin lit it and raised his hand that caused Hannah's hand to move too.

Slowly, he let go of it and closed his eyes wishing on it. Wishing this moment to never end, wishing they'd go back to what they used to be before he messed up.
His first wish was denied when Hannah turned towards him and he knew the moment was over.
She walked away towards the blanket and lied down on her back, staring right at the sky.
The scene was beautiful, yet the pain of letting go of everything slowly was stinging Jimin's heart.
He lied next to her, mustering up the courage to finally let his emotions out.

"What did you wish for?" The question was out of pure curiosity but Hannah didn't except the answer that came.

"You." Jimin quietly answered making her breath stuck in the throat.

"What?"

"I've been meaning to tell you this for quite a long time, ever since we went to the festival 3 years ago."
He stopped to take deep breaths before saying what he wanted to say the moment she came back.

"I love you, Hannah. I've loved you for so long that it hurts. I've loved you when you were here and when you were not. I was too stubborn to admit it but I adored little things you'd do like tracing your fingers on flowers, stopping mid way just to pet cats and puppies even when you're clearly allergic to both, tasting bit of the frosting on your thumb before eating it, the way your eyes would spark at seeing clouds even though you couldn't go out and act like you don't have any worries, the way you'd just munch on snacks while lying down in bed on your periods because you're too tired to move and I was too hardheaded to admit that I just wanted to cuddle you whole day and the list could go on. And I could talk about it all night and the conclusion would be one, only thing that I love you."
Jimin stopped talking feeling breathy even though he was just whispering the words, but his heart was thumping in his chest. He was sure Hannah could hear it too. He confessed all of this while staring at the sky but he turned to his side to tell her the last thing.

"And I wished that I'd get to call you mine till my last breath. And I wished to get a chance to love you again and I swear I'd love you right this time."
With that he closed his eyes because he didn't want see her glossy eyes. He felt her sitting up and so did he.

"Why now? Why are you saying all of this now?" She asked and Jimin could hear her voice quivering.

"Because I know you still love me and you too are hurting. I know you don't want to let go so, please don't. Don't give up on us like this."

"You don't understand. We can't do this again." Hannah shook her head defeatedly. She was too afraid to get hurt again. Too afraid that it overpowered her love for him.

Jimin wanted to argue but soft sniffles interrupted him and he pulled her in his arms without any hesitation.

This was where she belonged. This was where he belonged.

They belonged with each other.

The situation was same as before.
One of them too stubborn to admit and the other adamant about their love.
Except the tables were turned.