My Sins

Sunny, my sunflower

I planted you in the soil of my mistakes;
thinking it would be too volatile for anything to grow.
But there you blossomed, my little sunflower,
as if to say,
"This soil is not poisoned, for here I was born."

Ever since that day, another seed took place;
growing roots into my heart, sprouting cute tiny leaves,
was a seed of hope.
It spread, engulfing me with a warmth
to fill my hollow being.

I went to work,
                 talking to you,
                        Watering you,
loving you.
You grew with every day, every minute-
I did not waste.

Oh, how proud I am of you,
So resilient,
              I envy that of you sometimes.

Admittedly, there were days where I did not care for you,
Days where I kept you in the back of my mind as I did other things:
But that's how you remained,
Lurking, a subconscious thought.

By the end of the day, I always looked for you,
Reached out, saying,
"Hey, how are you doing, love?"

One particular morning,
Discomfort struck the moment I woke,
Something...
                    felt off.
Then I saw you-
You stopped growing.
                       Laid still and pale.
Hope, the petite however strong flower, started to wilt in my chest.

Dread layered onto my discomfort,
As a tight fist around my heart.
Thoughts overlapped into nonsensical screaming,
until they were one continuous sound;
"How could you let this happen?"

Desperately, I watered you more,
Talked to you-
If anything, it was as if you allowed for it happen.
I held onto you the days leading to your last,
Every night,
I whispered you apologises,
My sorrows, unanswered questions,
"What could I have done better to prevent this?"

You smiled weakly at me,
"You've done everything I could've ever asked of you."
Kissing your head,
I softly spoke my parting words,
"I love you."
As you laid limp in my arms.

~•~•~•~🌻~•~•~•~
✨Backstory of the poem✨

Sunny is the name of an actual sunflower I started growing.
I planted them in the soil of my dragon plant, Draco (who was dying due to not having enough sun), thinking it wouldn't grow.
(The soil was also quite dry since it wasn't watered often.)

I didn't see Sunny until a couple weeks later, where they grew about 12 cm high.
Started watering, talking to them, grew into a height of 20 cm.
Then, a huge heatwave came.
She stopped growing, tried watering them more but it was too late- their leaves shrivelled.

I was upset, still am- I'm not the best at plants but I had hope for this one.
Removed the stick I used to keep their stem straight, went limp.
Sunny wasn't the only seed I planted, I planted 3 others at the same time- conveniently after Sunny died, another sprouted.

I'll be making sure to take care of this one but I'll miss you, Sunny- thanks for listening to my pep talks :) x