Bri

Chapter 14: Regret

The second Mia walked away from me with that hurt expression, and the front door slammed shut, my heart left with her. I'm still in shock and so unbelievably upset at myself for causing those tears in her eyes and that look on her face. I want to run after her and beg her to stay, but... I am a coward... a fucking coward... I just let her go without a fight... I have always told her I'd fight for her... I'm such a fucking liar and an idiot... I had two things in my life that I now regretted; speaking to her the way I did and not running after my girl.

I sat down on the couch as my mind raced, replaying this moment over and over again. By the time I looked at the clock on the wall, around thirty minutes had passed, and I sighed. Damn... I still have so much studying to do; I have to try to make some progress on it, even if I really don't want to do shit right now. I arose, walking from the living room to the area with my work as I observed the books and papers on top of it. I need to apologize to Mia first... I pulled my phone out of my jeans and sent her a quick apologetic text.

I took a few minutes to organize the table better before I even started working on my homework. When I finished doing that, I picked up my phone, hoping that maybe Mia responded to me and I didn't hear it. There were no unread notifications, and I sighed, lowering my head in defeat. I don't think Mia will reply to my text, but that doesn't matter right now... What actually mattered was the fact that I apologized because doing so was the right thing to do. I placed my phone on the table and picked up notes for the topic that I had to understand within the next couple of days. Okay, I might as well just get started.

Before I studied for my exam using cognitive-behavioral techniques to aid/overcome panic attacks, I looked over my notes. I then realized I needed more information; there was no way I had a suitable amount of research prepared yet. Bearing that in mind, I grabbed the appropriate textbook and began to read the chapter that I had left off on. After about an hour of trying to read that damned book, I had gotten absolutely nowhere. I could not concentrate, and I was only able to read one page. I didn't even know if I actually comprehended or retained any of it, either. Oh, fuck it... perhaps playing a video game can distract me since reading didn't do shit... it's at least worth a shot...

I got up feeling very frustrated at myself, left my work area, and returned to the living room. I noticed the blankets and pillows that I had set up earlier, and I had to stop myself from thinking about that. I grabbed the television remote and PlayStation controller, turning them both on. I attempted to pass the time and get out of my head, however as I looked through all of the installed games on the system, everything just reminded me of Mia; because we always played together. There's just no fucking way that I can play something to get my mind off of this situation... Maybe I should just lay down for a bit or something...

Standing up, I walked away from the couch and into the bedroom, plopping my body onto the bed. I situated myself and put my head on the pillow before letting out a deep sigh. I think I need to talk about what happened... I wonder if Sara is busy; I hope she isn't... I placed my hands into my pockets to get my phone, and it wasn't there.

"Where the hell is my phone?" I groaned and reluctantly rose from the comfort of the bed to search for that damned device. It could be in the living room since that's where I was last...

For a few minutes, I glanced around the area when I reached the living room. My phone wasn't on the couch or the coffee table, and that's when it hit me. I left it on the kitchen table along with my unfinished assignments. Duh, Cambria... I was right about the location of my missing phone, so I retrieved it before returning to the bedroom and slumped onto the bed again. The moment I was cozy enough, I sent Sara a text and waited as patiently as possible for her to answer. I hope she'll reply fast...