Second Chances

two

a l e x

"Issabella James. It feels so wrong to even say her name. Well, she's my cousin," he started and right there and then, I wanted to leave, but I promised myself I would give him a chance to explain and myself a chance to understand everything.

"I know you're probably thinking that you should just leave now, and I won't blame you if you do, but I'm just asking you to hear me out here," he said, reaching for my hand.

I instinctively pulled my hand back, but I saw the pain in his eyes the moment my hand slipped out of his. For some weird reason, it hurt me too.

"Not now, Luke. Just continue," I encouraged him with a shaky breath.

He nodded and sighed, continuing, "It probably doesn't make any sense why my relation to her would make me do that to you and to your siblings. Well, her mother and my father are siblings. My father has always wanted me to join this little group he led, but I always said no. So, he took Issa instead. And when my father suddenly disappeared, they needed a replacement. Issa thought that since he left, they should take me in. Me or one of my siblings."

His fists were clenched. "I couldn't put them in danger like that. You know how much I love them. She made me choose, and I chose to keep my siblings safe. But I never knew you were who we were fighting, I never even really touched anyone. I would've died before allowing anyone to hurt you, much less knowing I was part of the reason you got hurt. That's why I tried to leave the moment I saw your face. I fought Issa about it, but she wouldn't make me leave. And when the cops showed up, I just had to leave. I didn't want to leave you, but I also didn't want to get involved. I haven't looked back since. It wasn't the best moment of my life."

His eyes were glistening with tears but he held them back. "This is stupid, huh? You told me I was a coward. I ask myself all the time what it would've been like if I wasn't such a wuss. If I stayed and fought, tried to stop them from hurting you. Maybe it would have been different. Maybe we would have been different."

This time, I was the one who reached for his hand. "Look at me, Luke. I know it's not easy, but I also know now that you never meant to hurt anyone. I hope you understand that it's also going to take some time for me to forgive you, even if you weren't at fault. You still hurt me, Luke."

I laughed. "If Soph saw me right now, she'd laugh at my face and say 'I told you so!' because she's always telling me that you have another reason to do all those things, that it was just all a misunderstanding, and would you look at that, she was right."

For the first time since he started his story, he actually smiled. And I forgot how much I missed that smile. Yes, he hurt me. He hurt me so fucking much.

But I did also really love him.

It was hard for me to let go of that and move on from what happened. It was so hard to stop loving him because I knew that deep inside, he was a good person, that he was the guy I fell in love with who didn't cover his face with a mask.

I knew he wouldn't hurt me on purpose.

But I also couldn't be cruel to myself. What if he actually did hurt me on purpose? That's why I couldn't forgive him so easily.

He still hurt me, and I didn't know if I was ready to hear empty sorries from him if I let him explain.

But I'm happy I let him explain. Because I didn't hear those empty sorries like I thought I would. I heard a genuine one from someone that longed for a second chance to prove himself.

He squeezed my hand in his. "Thank you, Alex. For allowing me to explain. I never thought I would get the chance to tell you the truth, even if I am ashamed of it, even if it was one of the most messed up moments of my life."