Over, Gone, and Lost

P A R T 8

Caroline and Ben sat in his truck in awkward silence for about ten minutes, eating their food and looking at the ocean in front of them, sneaking glances at each other every so often. Ben was the first to break the silence when he finished his food.

"I'm sorry I got upset," he said softly, looking at Caroline. She nodded silently and kept eating her fries.

"Are you mad at me?" he asked, a little sad. Caroline finally looked at him, and he felt like a weight was lifted off his chest when she softened her features.

"No," she whispered, shaking her head slowly. Ben nodded, and when she finished her food, he took her empty box and got out to throw them in the public trash before he got an idea and made his way back to the car.

"Get out," he says, going around to Caroline's side of the car.

"Wh-what," she asks nervously.

"Sorry, I mean, come with me," he says, taking her hand and helping her out of his ridiculously high truck. Ben keeps her hand in his, and they walk through the sand to the water. When they get to the edge of the sand, Ben starts to take off his shoes and rolls his jeans up to his legs.

"Come up," he says, motioning for Caroline to do the same. Caroline is nervous because she has never done this before, never been to the beach, never been to the ocean, she doesn't even know how to swim.

"I- I can't swim," she whispers. Ben looks over at her.

"Don't worry, we aren't swimming, and I won't let you drown, trust me."

Trust me

Caroline only ever trusted one person. He's gone now.

Caroline starts to panic, her breathing gets shallow, and she struggles to breathe, taking a step back. Ben notices and goes over to her, taking her shoulders in his hands gently.

"Hey, hey, we don't have to do this, it's ok," he says, hugging her. Caroline doesn't remember the last time she was hugged. She is so focused on remembering that she doesn't even realize Ben is stroking her hair and calming her breathing.

No one has ever helped Caroline with her panic attacks, she usually either stops it herself or if it is too bad, she just waits until she passes out from lack of oxygen. After another minute, Ben feels her breathing steady and pulls away.

"You ok?" he asks. Caroline nods, and Ben rubs her arms soothingly. Another thing Caroline doesn't remember from her past. How long had it been since someone was concerned about her?

"You wanna do this or no," he asks, referring to the ocean.

"I- I wanna do this," she says, taking a deep breath. Ben takes her hand after she removes her sneakers and raises her sweat pants. She takes a deep breath and squeezes Ben's hand when he starts to guide her towards the water.

They take the first step into the water, it just barely covers Caroline's toes, but it's cold and makes her jump. Ben keeps his hold on her hand and laughs when she shivers.

Ben looks up and sees a giant wave is about to come. He starts to saunter closer with Caroline deeper into the water. She moves closer to him and grabs his forearm with her free hand.

The wave crashed towards them, and Caroline screamed as the water went just below her knees, making her jump into Ben's arms. He lets her feet hang just above the sand while he holds her laughing.

"It's not funny," she whines, making him laugh even more. He walks further into the water so that her feet are in it again. After a moment, he sets her on the ground, keeping his arms around her waist while her hands rest on his biceps.

"You ok," he asks her again. She nods frantically. She can't seem to find the words to say so.

Ben smiles at her, and they walk sideways deeper into the water until it is up to her knees. They stop and stand there for a while as the ocean waves start to wet the bottom of their pants.

Caroline breaths in the scent of the salty ocean and smiles with her eyes closed. She wishes more than anything that she had Augustine here with her. He would have loved this too. Ben watches as she slowly loosens her grip on his arms, beginning to feel comfortable in the water.

She realizes, without even understanding how, that she trusts Ben. For the first time since Augustine died, Caroline trusts someone. She never thought she would see the say where that happened again. 

word count: 782