Over, Gone, and Lost

P A R T 17

The first time Caroline tried to kill herself, she was sixteen. She had been to so many foster families that she was beginning to lose count. She was tired. Emotionally. Mentally. Physically.

She had just moved to yet another house, and because it was across town, she had to switch to the other school. This was her second week at the school, and she already hated everyone. It didn't matter, though, because she didn't plan to see them again.

This was it. Today is the day. The day Caroline kills herself. She is gonna do it. Today is really the day.

After school, she went straight to the closest corner store. She bought a small pack of razor blades and shoved them in her pocket. She would open her wrists in the bathtub before the sunset. She was sure of it.

On the way home, she walked with her head down. This was how she always walked, scared to look someone in the eyes and upset them. She got this fear from one of her foster fathers that hated the way she looked at him.

As she was walking, deep in thought, she hadn't realized that she was coming up to a busy street that had cars still going. She went to walk without paying attention, but a car honked its horn, making her lift her head and realize she was in the middle of the street. Just as she was about to be run over, two strong arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her back to the sidewalk.

"Are you ok, kid?" a masculine voice called out to her. She looked up, breathing heavily.

"Y- yah, I'm ok," she stuttered, trying to step out of his hold. When the boy dropped his hands, she finally really looked at him. She realized she knew him from school. Although he didn't know her.

"I'm Augustine. What's your name, sweetheart" he spoke to her, softer than he had spoken to anyone else.

"Caroline," she whispered with a blush at the nickname.

"You should really watch where you're walking, Caroline," he said. Caroline smiled at him and went to walk away, this time walking down the sidewalk since she had been going in the wrong direction anyway.

Augustine ran up to walk next to Caroline. He was instantly intrigued that this girl paid him no mind. He had just saved her life, and she almost didn't care. But, contrary to Caroline's beliefs, Augustine did recognize her, the new girl. She had been the topic of conversation for all of five minutes on her first day, and then there was a fight that captivated the attention of everyone.

"You go to Eastwood right," Augustine said. Caroline looked at him like he was crazy for following him, but she didn't say anything and nodded yes.

"Cool, wanna hang out," he said. Caroline stopped in her tracks to make sure she had heard him correctly.

"You... wanna hang out.... with me?" she said. He nodded like it was not the most outrageous thing Caroline had heard, maybe ever.

"Why?" she whispered.

"Because I think you and I would be great friends, I got a gut feeling" he smiled at Caroline and really looked at her. After that, no one ever really looked at Caroline. She nodded and continued to walk, Augustine following next to her and making conversation.

Caroline decided at that moment, just as she passed a public trash can that she would live. She tossed the razor blades in the garbage and smiled at Augustine.

This was the start to exactly what Augustine predicted: a great friendship.

Caroline and Augustine became dependent on one another very quickly, they spoke every day, and if he didn't have plans with his friends, he was with her. He had invited her to many events, but she only liked being around Augustine, so she never went.

They spent two years together, side by side. They were inseparable for the most part. That is until Augustine's accident. He got injured, but in the end, Caroline was the one to get hurt when he died.

But she stayed strong, for Augustine, just like he used to tell her after he found out what her plans were for the day they met. Augustine gave her a reason to live. He was her reason. When he died, she had nothing. He was her everything.

It took her six years to realize Augustine wasn't enough to keep her alive anymore. She was alone again, and it hurt. She was done.

Hot, emotion-filled tears slid down Caroline's cheeks as she stood in front of Augustine's grave for the last time. "I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry," she sobbed out. She prayed for an answer from her best friend, but her voice was the only one heard in the quiet graveyard.

The next day Caroline found herself with those same tears coming down her face as she stood on the ledge of the Jefferson Bridge, ready to finally do it. This was it. 

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