Over, Gone, and Lost

P A R T 16

The last conversation Caroline and Ben had before arriving at the bridge was about his mother. He spoke about her like she was a precious gem. Caroline listened, and they both smiled at the words he spoke, even though Ben secretly wished for more time with Caroline.

When they got to the bridge, the sun had already set. The street lights were illuminating the entire bridge, but that still wasn't enough to show the pain and fear Caroline harbored.

Ben parked the car, but neither one of them made a move to get out. Finally, he turned off the car with a sign and placed the keys in his lap before looking over at Caroline.

"I guess this is it," Ben said.

"I guess so" Caroline couldn't meet Ben's eyes. Meanwhile, Ben couldn't take his eyes off of her. In just a few moments Caroline Smith's life would be over, gone and lost.

With a deep breath, Caroline opened the passenger side door and stumbled out of the truck. Ben did the same but with much more grace than Caroline because of his height advantage.

They step around to the front of the car and look at the edge of the bridge. Because it's nighttime and this is a small town, no one passes by on the bridge. It's just them and their thoughts. Ben wishes so badly that he could tell her not to do it, to give her a reason to live, but he also knows that whether she lives or dies tonight is up to her.

Caroline is torn between jumping or not. Being around Ben, having someone to talk to was the best thing she could ask for before she dies, but she also knows that one person, one afternoon with someone, isn't going to change years of trauma, pain, and loneliness.

"Which is it, are you really ready to die, or do you just need a reason to live?"

Caroline remembers Ben's words as she makes her way over to the edge of the bridge. She puts her hands on the railing and takes a deep breath, knowing it will be one of her last.

"Caroline?" Ben calls out. She turns around, and before he can even say anything else, she runs into his arms, trapping him into a hug that he immediately responds to. They stand like that for a moment, not speaking, not moving, just holding each other. Caroline is the first to pull away. She looks up at Ben before speaking.

"Thank you, not for just bringing me here but for giving me one good day before I go," Ben nods, not knowing what to say to that.

"Thank you for letting me do this for you. I'm sorry that I can't give you a reason to stay, that's something you have to do for yourself but only if you want to," Ben says all he can. He can't force her to live or to want to live. He can't force her to be happy or to get help. He can just be there for her because no one else was her entire life.

Maybe if someone had been there, she wouldn't be here. Maybe

Ben kisses the top of her head as he releases her from his hold. They don't bother with the goodbyes because it is already a hard enough moment. Instead, Ben watches as she climbs up onto the bridge's ledge slowly, careful not to fall too soon.

Once she was on top of the bridge, she steadied herself and looked down. This bridge was considerably higher than the first bridge she had been to. It also had waves crashing around, meaning it would be harder to swim once she jumped.

This was it. Today is the day. The day Caroline kills herself. She is gonna do it. Today is really the day. She took one last deep breath and spread her arms. She closed her eyes and prepared herself. This was it.

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