Charlie Gillespie~Teen mom~

I need this baby

The doctors office was cold and it smelled like those little plastic apple juice cups. I was nervous and afraid but there was no one I could tell. What was I supposed to do. 

I can't have another baby, not now. Maybe not ever.

Maybe this is a sign from the universe to stop having so much unprotected sex... and if I do have unprotected sex, it should probably be within a committed PERMANENT relationship.

It never occurred to me that Rudy was a frat boy... who knows how many girls he's been with and the fact that he just casually slept with me... I complete stranger, says something. I knew Charlie. He never actually had sex with anyone he hadn't known for a while. I mean... I was his first... I think.

Despite what he thought, he wasn't my first so maybe I'm not his. I feel so gross.

What would my mom say? 

If I caught something from Rudy-- like and STD or like a baby... would it even be worth it. It was horrible. I only did it to get back at Charlie. Rudy was just there...

"Hi sweetie, I'm doctor Harmon. We got your results back." 

Here's the moment of truth. Charlie squeezed my hand with the biggest smile on his face. He wanted the baby to be his so badly. He probably thought this child could be some kind of redo for Casey-- I've considered every possible option, I cannot have this child. I just can't.

I'm barely making ends meet right now. I'd probably have to drop out of college and take off of work because I'd have to take care of a new born baby-- But I NEED to work... I'd have a new born baby.

There are too many factors working against me and I don't want to be a  mother of two right now. 

"The father of your child is in fact Charles Gillespie."

Charlie let out a loud gasp as if he were relieved he was becoming a father so soon. I felt like I had just been stabbed a billion times. 

What would I tell him? 

Charlie and I exited the hospital hand in hand. 

He still had that excited look on his face and I didn't know how to respond. He didn't even notice my silence, he was so happy. I just wanted to go home and pretend like I wasn't about to crush his feelings-- Only he wasn't driving home.. he pulled up to a store.

A baby store.

He hopped out of the car and skipped into the store like a child and I followed behind him. He wasn't even paying attention to me, it was like I wasn't there. The baby was the only thing on his mind. 

He immediately started scamming the racks grabbing almost everything. 

"So do you think it's a boy or a girl? Cause I don't know if I should get pink or blue-- Maybe I could get both, twins do run in my family-- Or I could just get beige, gender nuetural you know. Cause colors don't have genders right? But beige is kind of a boring color for a baby. How's yellow? I feel like it's a boy. I'm probably right. I was right about Casey. Have you started thinking about names. You know we should probably move cause we need more space if we're gonna live together with two kids."

"CHARLIE SHUT UP!" 

His smile faded and he gave me those stupid sad puppy dog eyes.  "What's wrong with you? Do you not like yellow, cause we can do purple? Maybe we should start thinking about god parents."

"Or adoptive parents..."

Charlie turned around with an angry expression. "What?"

"I don't want to keep him.. it Charlie."

He stepped closer to me until we were inches away. "Wha- What the hell are you talking about?"

"Charlie we're in college. I'm struggling to raise one kid, I can't raise two. Not right now."

"That's only cause you were doing it alone."

"But I wasn't alone, I had Vinnie."

"Right. Vinnie helps raise Casey and we raise our son together. Yale, you're just nervous. We can do it if we do it together."

"No. I'm not nervous, I just don't want another baby right now."

Charlie sighed, rolling his tongue in his cheek. I swear I saw a tear roll down his face and his eyes turned red. Without another word, he turned on his heels and got in the car.

We drove back to my car and silence and he held the steering wheels tightly. 

As we pulled up to my apartment, I tried to get his attention by putting my hand on his but he shrugged it off.

He couldn't stand to look at me. 

"Charlie, can we talk about this soon?"

"Yeah whatever. Bye." He said looking out the window. 

I exited the car and he didn't even wait for me to go inside, he just drove off. 

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Charlie's POV

I sped away from Yale's house hoping she didn't see me crying. I pulled over onto the road with tears streaming down my cheeks.

I couldn't handle the anger anymore, I felt like I was going to explode.

I began uncontrollably punching the steering wheel screaming. Once my hands started to hurt, I pulled my face into the wheel continuing to cry. 

I need this baby.