SLEEPING AT LAST | bajifuyu

thirty-four

There was an itch under Chifuyu's skin, something impossible to appease, burning him from the inside out. He hasn't slept properly for nearly three weeks. Nightmares are happening again, and he would usually wake up screaming or crying. His parents would visit his room, asking what could be triggering him, but Chifuyu couldn't bring himself to answer.

Not that he doesn't want to answer them, he doesn't want to believe the reason behind his night terrors. After all, he doesn't want his parents to worry anymore. The night that Baji left the hospital, Chifuyu never saw the lad again. A knock or a ring never reached his ears. He is still waiting, nonetheless. No matter how many messages it takes him or how cold the yakisoba gets, Chifuyu will wait for him.

It's back to square one for Chifuyu. As if he has gone back to who he was before: alone and struggling. Just like that, Baji left a hollow space in his chest.

"Chifuyu?"

He turns his head to his teacher, "Yes?"

"As I was talking about your health, I received some request from your mother," reaching the paper in front of him, Chifuyu stares at the written letters.

The letter indicates his mother's request in stopping his studies and retake another year. His hands tremble, almost crumpling the paper, while his mind processes the contents of what he read. The accumulating stress from Baji's disappearance, Tokyo Manji, and his night terrors were melting into one ugly pot of anger. All of the emotion thunder inside him as he read along the lines of his mother's request.

"No," giving back the letter to his teacher, "As far as I am concerned, I don't plan on retaking a year."

His teacher sighs, "Then, what could be your solution for this, Chifuyu?"

His head feels heavy. Eyes could only dart to his shoe, refusing to look at his teacher's concerned ones. Nothing and everything immediately fills Chifuyu's head, like a child amidst the crowd, blank after the panic he had earlier.

"Please give me two days to think it through,"

Chifuyu spent the day with a heavy burden on his shoulder. He didn't bother listening to his class. He would slump alone in his seat, burrowing his head in his hand—an old habit he cursed for coming back. His indoor shoes squeak as he drags them out in the hallways, taking his time leisurely staring at the tiled floors. He's been thinking of an answer to his problem, even just a wink of a solution. His concrete foundation turned into sand wasted after months of slowly building himself. A dilemma he's stuck with and unsure of overcoming.

The sun soon said its farewell and let the stars bring themselves out. Tonight, Mikey called a meeting for the Captains and Vice-captains. He said that he had an announcement to make and needed their attention. Everyone is attentive to their leader, but Chifuyu. He stood at the very corner, far from everyone in the Tokyo Manji, minding his world of conflict. His ears clogged up with his thoughts, dismissing the meeting at hand with a casual hum and nod as a reply. His fingers would find their way to pick on his skin, shedding blood, and he would gaze at them absent-mindedly.

"Yo, Chifuyu!" the orange-haired boy runs up to him, a smile casually displayed on his face.He turns his head, "Yes?"

"Mikey said that Mucho might handle the first division as of now," Smiley rests a hand on his shoulder, an act of console to his state.

"What? What about Baji-san?" Chifuyu furrows his eyebrows, standing up from the stairs.

He noticed that everyone was wary of him for the past few weeks. Captains would take his tasks, often leaving him emptyhanded, excusing themselves as free to carry on the mission, and even though he would express naivete, Chifuyu isn't a fool in their actions. His feet thunder through the soil, heavy with pent-up frustration, catching everyone's attention. A certain blond seems to notice his presence, indifferent about his unusual aggression, offering him a genuine smile.

"Chifuyu! Have Smiley told you-"

Chifuyu steps up to grab his collar, "Why?"

"What, why?" The small boy questioned him, staring deep into his eyes.

"Why are you assigning the first division under Mucho? What about Baji-san?" he yelled, pointing at himself.

Mikey is the first one to break their eye contact, sighing at the latter, "I am suspending Baji from the gang. I can't simply let his recklessness slip by."

"Are you saying you're suspending him for punching Peh, who almost got us fucked?!" His suppressed anger spills its gut into his pursued lips, tasting sour atop of his tongue. Like lightning, his fist met Mikey's cheek, taking everyone by surprise. His mind, already clouded with self-deprecating thoughts, was static, and his vision blurred from all the commotion. All his senses were numb until his head met the concrete, tackled into the ground, knocking the air out of his lungs.

"Hey, Chifuyu, get in your head! Stop being an asshole!" Draken shouts, holding him down.

Chifuyu laughs, "Have you heard yourselves? You're the one being unreasonable here."

Chifuyu seethes in rage while Draken tackles him down. He didn't understand how Mikey bestowed grave judgment on Baji like that while letting Peh Yah slip by like he didn't plan on killing their Vice-leader. It's infuriating, especially when Chifuyu saw how much Baji cherish Toman. What Baji did was an expression of anger for Peh's betrayal, and Mikey turned a blind eye to it.

"Baji-san cherish Toman! What he did is payback for what Peh did!" He shouts, still struggling under Draken.

"Calm your head down, man!" Mitsuya tried calming him down but backfired when Chifuyu sarcastically retorted at him.

Chifuyu whips his head, searching for a certain someone, the boy who he already knows is absent in the meeting. The one he swore to protect until the very end. The boy he is defending. Even if he already knows that Baji is gone, he searches for him. There's a silent prayer he mutters under his breathe in desperation to see his lover even for a second. It has been weeks, and he doesn't even know if Baji is safe or not.

"I miss him," Chifuyu mumbles, taking others by surprise, "It's been weeks since that night in the hospital. Do all of you know how hard he cried that night? How scared was Baji-san? All he thinks about is Toman and protecting you."

Chifuyu almost shed a tear in front of everyone until he heard a familiar voice from behind, turning to see the boy standing. 

"I'll be borrowing Chifuyu for a while."