SLEEPING AT LAST | bajifuyu

thirty-three

Critical. Cardiac arrest on the way to the hospital. Draken almost lost his battle, and Baji's ears ringed when he heard the news outside of the hospital. As if someone wrings out his throat, and it suddenly became hard to breathe frantic shallow breaths. Even with Chifuyu's guidance, he can't bring himself to calm his nerves. Fear is eating him, and he blames himself for feeling it. It's almost laughable to display this side of him in front of the other members—vulnerable and weak, but it's the least of his worries when one of his friends is fighting for their dear life.

"Kei, come here," Chifuyu opens his arms to welcome him, and he gladly resides in his warmth.

Their bodies, heavy with their soaked uniforms, shiver in the harsh wind of the night. But, Baji found solace in them, deserving of this suffering because of his recklessness. His mind runs with all the doubts and what-ifs. They were bouncing off the expanses of his mind, eating what's left of his composure—what's left of Baji's sanity. If another hour passes where he couldn't hear any news of Draken's condition, he fears he might lose it.

"Cry," Chifuyu whispers in his ear, "Everyone is gone, and we're the only one left. You can cry."

Baji isn't one to cry immediately. He deems himself incapable already, after all the time he spent crying alone in juvie. He might have broken his tear ducts in the feats he had back, but seeing Chifuyu's gentle smile and the way he softly caresses his back brought out all of his frustration out in the open. Unexpectedly and uncharacteristically, Baji bawled for the first time.

Like a child, he rests his tired body in Chifuyu's arms. His vision blurs from all the tears that desperately escape his eyes, and sobs scratch his throat. They sat in the ground, disregarding the dirt sticking to their soaked boots and pants. The rain washes down his worries together with Chifuyu's soft hums as his hands caress the expanse of his back.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." He whispers in the blond's neck where he hides.

Images of the night with Shinichiro replay in his mind, torturing him still—whispering his sins in his ears. He found his deed pathetic, even from hours ago, and his boyfriend might think he's annoying. Well, to be honest, he is. It's so out of him to be this laughing stock, especially when he needs to be strong.

"It's okay, Kei. You don't have to say sorry. Draken will be okay." The blond rests his cheek atop his head, softly smiling.

Baji turns to look at him, "You're not mad?"

"Why would I?" the blond questions, raising his eyebrow.

For the umpteenth time, Chifuyu pushes his worries away while shining ever so gently in front of his eyes. The blond brushes out the stray hairs sticking in his face, still plastering that gentle smile on his face. Another round of tears well up to his eyes as Baji's chest swells with appreciation. Maybe, somehow, the universe blessed him with Chifuyu.

"Thank you, Chifuyu," he whispers in the cries of the rains, hoping that it reaches the boy's ears, "Thank you."

"Let's go?"

Baji despises the smell of the hospital. The scent of alcohol that lingers the air, the flickering bluish tint of the fluorescent lights, and the staff that has their facial muscles turn upside down as if they bring nothing but bad news. The boy had enough of that kind of news; he probably heard of them more than his mom's lectures. Onyx eyes would glare at the shin on the tiled floor, religiously repeating to watch over the lining of the tiles, anything to keep his mind away from thinking negatively.

To say that he is restless is an understatement based on his frantic actions. Baji could always mask it as tiredness since everyone except a pair of aquamarine eyes would take that lame of an excuse. Not that he thinks others don't care about him, but everyone already had enough on their plate to even add his dilemma.

"Baji! Chifuyu!"

A pair of wet boots squeak in the polished floors, soiling them with dirt, which, ironically, bubbles anger in the lad. He couldn't understand it first, but seeing Peh Yan tailing behind Mitsuya, who shamefully follows him, something clicks in him. Something he doesn't like.

"Draken is okay! The doctors-"

Mitsuya freeze at his feet, stunned when Baji went past him and let his fists talk by punching Peh Yan straight in the face. Everyone, including the nurses, whip their head to the harsh sound. And, there they saw Peh Yan lying on the floor, holding his face and shaking his head from the sudden force. The black-haired boy pants, ragged shallow breaths, keeping a close eye on the semi-bald kid. Something snaps in him, and it was gratifying to see Peh pay a pinch of what he did. Baji could do more, but he's out of the hospital as soon as he landed that punch.

"Baji, wait! What was that?"

The mud in his feet reflects the conflict inside his mind. He wanted to voice out his reasons—for the love of God, no matter shallow it was, but he pursued his lips shut. He let the pitter patters of the rain answer Chifuyu's question. For the first time, all of his courage melts down to his feet, and he watches them stick to the sole of his shoes, somewhat wishing to compose himself.

"Come here, Kei. You'll get sick."

That sound too soft, too caring after what he did to Peh Yan. He feels utter disgust towards himself, hypocrite, to be exact—he did not deserve this, after all. For Pete's sake, he just punched one of his friends in the face, and Chifuyu is still concerned about him. How can he face him in this feat now? Baji doesn't know the answer. All he knows is that he is tired, tired of all of this.

"I'm leaving, Chifuyu," he said, "Take care of them."