My Big Man [BxB]

FIVE - I DONT WANT TO FEEL RIGHT NOW

BO

I sighed waking up the next day. Westley slept on my chest, crying his eyes out. Somehow I soothed him enough to fall asleep. But it took a while. I stayed up, replaying last nights events over and over in my head.

I was a dick.

But it's hard to act like everything's okay. Westley, the guy I'm in love with, is talking to his ex. The ex that drove a edge between us. And he won't even talk to me about it.

I don't want to feel right now.

"Bo-Bo?" A soft, angelic, whiney, voice echoed aim my ears.

"Yes?"

"I don't feel good."

I sighed, putting the back of my palm to my forehead, then to his. I repeated the motion until I was sure he had a fever. Which he did. Once I was done, he snuggled deeper into me, making my heart flutter.

But as always, I pushed it aside. Now focusing on benefiting him. Not me. Cause at the end of the day, Westley is my everything.

"Off, I need to get you medicine."

"Hold me."

"No, West." I scolded, trying to push him off, "Off."

"Fine!" He sighed exasperated, flinging his body to the other side of the bed

I rolled my eyes at his childlike ways, going to get some medicine, a glass of water, and dignity. It's pathetic how I'm always taking care of him. Emotionally and physically. Putting my feelings aside. Cause at the end of the day, I care about him more than myself.

I walked back into the room, handing him a glass and the pills which he took willingly. He whined grabbing his stomach.

"What?"

"Tummy hurts."

I nodded not knowing exactly what to respond to with that. A frown etched my features replaying last nights events once more. I was harsh. Did the things he hates me to do. But I wouldn't change the past even if I could. I needed to feel something else.

The pain that I feel from seeing him with someone else is something I cannot describe. There's nothing my words can say to describe the amount of pain that it brings to my stomach. The curling sensation, the agony, the pain in my heart, the shiver of the loneliness, it's all just too much. I love him too much. It hurts so fucking bad.

Yet here I am, still taking care of him. Still feeling the pain. Will this ever end?

The smaller boy shifted his gaze up to me, no longer stuck in the sickly daze. Our eyes connected. It seems like we were studying each other. Trying to figure out what all this meant, or maybe that was just my hope. My hope that all of this would end. The thing that I had begged God for every night. Just let this boy be mine. To stop feeling like this. Or to just move on.

West looked away, he let out a soft girl-like giggle. "You look weird, hangovers do not fit you well."

Well looks like it's the last one I have to move on.

Before I could say something in return. His phone buzzed. Without a second thought, he latched it into his hand typing ferociously back to whoever had sent him the text. Although I'm sure we all know who it is. God it hurts so bad.

Why can't you just stop torturing me?

Tell me you feel the same. Tell me our long hazes mean something to you. Tell me you falling asleep in my arms means something. Tell me you care about yourself. Tell me you care about me. Goddamnit, just tell me that you love me. Please, please.

I felt my world crumble under me. Tears welded into my eyes. So I look to the ground. Biting my lip so hard I'm almost positive it drew blood. Not that West paid any mind. He was too busy.

So I left the room. And I cried like a bitch. But these will be the last tears I shed over him.

I can no longer be hurt by my best friend just because he is my best friend.

a/n: hello loves, hope all is well.

ive been writing the smut for this book and im quite impressed with myself...anyways

if you need to reach out to someone please pm me!! take care of yourselves <3