Fated With Him

9. I wish you were here

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Happy reading loves <3

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Life has really very different ways to fuck people up. For some people life was a little easy on them, on some people a little too harsh, but it fucked all of them. All of us. Sometimes, a person living in slums, washing dishes to keep their stomach full, could be contented with life, on the other hand, a person working 9-5 with enough salary to buy food for whole year, could be in depression. But life was stepping on all of their dreams, without making any kind of discrimination. People in their own mind tend to make an imaginary self which continuously forces them to think that they are in misery, that life is hell, blocking them from seeing the miseries of other people around. Miseries which are much much more than their own. But do having a outlook on others' miseries help ? Not really. It just helps us to think that their miseries are lot more than ours and they are still surviving, so we can too. But when it comes to face our own miseries and problems, nothing helps. It. is. fucked. up. There I said it. 

And that was what I was right now. 

Because this one single day every year, kept the power to spoil at least one month for me, until I'll get out of my depressed zone and everything will go back to normal. 

I kept laying on my bed and staring at the ceiling, different scenarios going around in my mind and making me almost puke because of the nerves. 

I had put on earbuds to listen to some music but even that wasn't helping right now. 

I wasn't able to help but remember every past year when I had to go through with this day. And tomorrow was even worse, we had invited over Amaan's family as well. 

Amaan...

Just when I thought about him, I opened my phone and went to whatsapp and that simply reminded me of his background for the chats, pulling my lips up in a smile. 

I thought about texting him but then over thought it again since it was 1:30 am. 

I wanted to talk to him and tell him everything that had happened. 

Or I just wanted to talk to him in general about anything I could, maybe because in the back of my mind, somewhere I knew that he's the only person who can calm me. 

So not giving further thought to it, I texted him. 

Hey, I hope am not disturbing you, but I just wanted to like... let you know ? 

I started typing but then erased it all. Seriously, too formal isn't it ?

I started typing again, and sent a short message. 

Ayansh Bhai said no altogether. He's not going to be there tomorrow. 

I sent it to him, and as I thought about it a little more I almost felt like crying. I knew why Ayansh Bhai said no. He didn't want to spoil it for everyone else like last year. It isn't his fault that it's just too much for him to take it all. But that doesn't mean I didn't want him to be there. Mumma loved him so much, that she would want him to be there. 

At times like these I was forced to remember when we were all happy, even when papa wasn't there, but me, Ayansh Bhai, Ayaan and mumma. All four of us. The way she would massage Ayansh Bhai's shoulders, the way she would kiss his head while she would provide dinner to us, and the way he's smile at her. 

It was all too much to remember, and that he's not going to be there tomorrow was even more. 

Just when I was on the verge of tears my phone chimed and I looked at it. It was Amaan. Instantly I felt relieved and happy that he was up.