Give Me Love

chapter twenty five

The air was comfortably warm. The sheets soft. The low whirring of kitchen appliances and the cooling system blocked out any disturbing noises. And you were exhausted from a day of running around the market.

But something was keeping you up.

Rolling over in frustration, you threw an arm over your forehead and stared at the ceiling. There was an ache in between your thighs that you were trying so hard to ignore, but the fact that Anakin was lying right next to you, so deliciously shirtless and open for your viewing, and you were wearing a dress and completely accessible right now...

That wasn't it. Yes, your arousal was slightly uncomfortable, but you could ignore it for now. You only consumed trace amounts of the 'love potion' from brushing your teeth, so it was more like an annoying fly buzzing around your face. It would fade soon enough.

No, it was something else keeping you awake.

All stress from the mission put aside, your curious mind wandered back to Anakin and Enid. They most definitely did something at the lake, and while that knowledge made your blood turn sour, you were mostly just curious. And a little sad.

It startled you a little, how they could just get up and do. Enid wanted Anakin, so she took him. There was no stressing behind it, no overthinking, no anxiety. She was the princess over a land of love and beauty, so it must have been second nature to her.

And Anakin... he had Padme. And after that, other women. It must not have been hard for him, either.

You, on the other hand-- you'd had no one. And even if you wanted Anakin, and he somehow wanted you, and you could actually have him... you couldn't. Just the thought had your stomach clenching with nerves, alarmed panic shooting through your body.

Years of insecurity and mistreatment left you unable to even fathom being vulnerable in that way with anyone. Much less him.

Maybe it was the 'love potion' you had consumed that gave you the sudden confidence, but mostly you think it was just curiosity that urged you to speak.

"Anakin?"

Your voice hung suspended unnaturally in the quiet air for a moment. With tense muscles, you waited for a response.

Maybe he had fallen asleep.

"Yeah?"

So maybe he hadn't.

You thought for a moment. If he had not fallen asleep already, he had been close. Maybe you should just let it go and bring it up another time, assuming there would be another time. But if Anakin was anything, he was determined, and you knew he would not sleep now knowing you needed something.

You decided to just go for it.

"Did you kiss Enid?"

It was silent for a moment as you both thought the same thing. You just wanted him to say it.

"I'm sorry."

Your eyes fluttered close, fighting back the sting in your chest. You weren't allowed to be jealous or angry right now, that wasn't the point of this. And it wouldn't make sense guilt-tripping him for something he was technically permitted to do, especially if a royal wanted it. Even if it had been more than just kissing, but in that case, you really didn't want to know.

"You don't have to be sorry."

"We just--"

"You don't have to explain yourself, either."

He stayed quiet again, thinking that was all you wanted to know. But there was something else digging at your mind-- something you would only ever bring up in the confidence of a dark room in the dead of night.