A Broken Beginning ✔️ finished

17

Emma/Rylynn

I watch Christians eyes pop and then feel with pain and regret sadness I knew I should not have even asked I thought I wanted to know but watching the expressions change on Christians face changes my feelings on the matter I don’t care to know anything that is going to bring this much discomfort to him.

“Well yes that was one of my terrible mistakes and I will tell you anything I don’t know what you have already learned but I will tell you whatever you want to know. “

Christian rushes the sentence out with such panic in his tone his eyes look compassionate I can see that he is truly sorry for whatever part he played in this Kaylee girls life I can see that he has already beat himself up over it enough and I do not want to make him relive the situation all over again surely having him torture himself further

“I am sure that whatever happened you are sorry for it, I do not need to know. Your past is your past and everyone has one I am sure it could not have been as bad as he was making out to be.”

I tell him and I think I honestly mean it everyone has a past some darker than others but we can’t live there we cannot continue to replay horrible occasions from our life at least that is what all the therapist have told me throughout my life and it is what I am learning in class to bad I do it every day I can’t escape my past the haunting details follow me around day to day.  

“ I don’t know what he has told you but I want you to know the truth so here it is..

Before I joined the army I slept around a lot I mean a lot I didn’t care about anyone with the exception of Danny. One day a girl that everyone knew I had slept with but only I knew that I wasn’t the only one. Kaylee ended up pregnant she came to me begging me to say it was mine so she wouldn’t look any worse in the public eye. I told he know that she need to confront the real father that I didn’t want to be associated with her problems, when she did he beat her like beat the shit out of her told her he would ruin her if anyone was to find out he had been with her he said he would spread terrible things pictures whatever it took. So in the hospital it came out that she was pregnant, but she had lost the baby she told everyone I did it that it was mine and that I had flipped out when she came to tell me. Danny was the only one who believed in me he knew I wouldn’t do that he knew that I would never hit a woman, even though I was fucked up and had no respect for them I would never go as low to hit one. He asked me one time if the baby was mine and I told him that was all it took he went to speak with her. Kaylee’s parents were going to press charges of course but Danny convinced her how wrong that would be that she knew the truth and none of this was my fault that it would ruin my life, somehow it worked the case was dropped. The whole town already knew the story though everyone looked at me as a criminal. One day I ran in to the guy in front of a bar, he had the nerve to call me out to try and point out what “I” had done and I snapped putting him in the hospital and for some reason as I was hitting him over and over I was reliving the story shouting what he had actually done to her and of course the fight had drawn a crowd. I told the town about Kaylee in a horrible way and they looked down on her for what she had done I ruined her image and incidentally her life. I continued to Drink fight and sleep around doing some horrible things in the process. Until I joined the army I just had to get out of that town as horrible as it sounds I was out of strangers to hook up with I was still the same I just got to travel and do the same old shit I just fighting in wars more than other guys in bars or agree boyfriends I still had to do that although. The day i found out about my parents death I lost it again going to a very dark place Danny would try and talk to me try to get me to do the right thing I told him I was going to go a wall I told him the army wasn’t helping me anyways he talking me in to staying for some reason I can’t even remember. Before I knew it I was in a bar beating the living shit out of some guy for absolutely no reason and Danny’s words kept replaying in my head “They loved you , We are all so proud of you don’t let us down” I Know that its not much but it was all I needed at the time something to live for not letting my baby brother down yet again. I stopped I went back to base and tried to change, in my last deployment when I got shot I almost went back there again but something stopped me. When I moved here with Danny I started hanging out with him and his friends occasionally and then the drinking until I blacked out and the sleeping around came back I wasn’t in a dark place I thought I was just living the only way I really knew how but then you came in to my life and I stopped it all seems meaningless to me now for some reason you make me want my life to have a meaning, you are the meaning. There are a lot of things in my life I wish I could take back a lot of mistakes that I regret and I’m sure I am leaving so many holes in my story but I want you to understand that I am done with those ways for you.”