A Broken Beginning ✔️ finished

End

Christian

As I drive over to Emma's the panic is starting to build up in the pit of my stomach. I didn't see her yesterday and hadn't talked to her since I left the night before the night she received the call. I have been calling with no answer, I'm worried about her she was devastated it broke her. She was coming along doing good then her mother called her to quite bluntly tell her that her brother had committed suicide by over dose. Damin seemed really cool while he stayed with Emma he told us he was doing well and sober and happy so why did he do it. Emma really loved him you could see it in her while he was around. he left shortly after the court proceedings promising to come back and call often, I had noticed them keeping in touch and it was making Emma seem happier than anything else seemed to. Things had really made a big shift we were getting out and doing stuff that a normal couple would do, and enjoying our selfs. I had cut ties with Lilith and had to try and avoid her when she would be at Emma's I knew she was trying to make things awkward, and I could tell that Emma knew something but she didn't question. It's like we were just going to move forward which I was completely okay with.

I walk in there little shared apartment in a rush ignoring the watchful eyes of Melissa who was sitting at the table with someone I didn't recognize. I go straight back to Emma's room to a locked door after knocking for a couple minutes and yelling her name Melissa came back to see what the fuss was about. The bitch didn't even no her so called friend was even home. I threw my shoulder in to the door twice breaking the jam and the door finally flying open. I almost wish I didn't though. Melissa let out a shriek and went the other direction I couldn't move. I just stood there in the door way looking at her. Everything was in it place perfectly clean, he bed was made under her everything was absolutely precise except for one thing . She didn't look at peace, that's what everyone always says when they see someone dead that they looked at peace. Emma looked like she was still in pain her eyes open and dull, and it broke my heart. She was wearing leggings and a thin short sleeve shirt, probably the first time she had wore one in months. I could tell she had cut recently very recent but I could also see that's not what did it. The multiple long gashes up her arms were very disturbing yes but, most disturbing was the needle hanging out of the bend in her arm and the rubber band cutting in to the skin on her bicep. Her arm was purple that's how tight it was on her that the porcelain white skin had turned a purplish blue color. Emma was against drugs she couldn't even stand cigarets. I knew it was bad but I didn't know it wasn't worse than what she's already been through. The girl had been through a lot and been wrong enough to get through it to keep going even if she wasn't always okay she was still fighting even when she was at her lowest she held on why now ? She had done it, what I had been so afraid of all this time, there she was two feet away from me lifeless and alone. I couldn't move I couldn't speak I couldn't think of anything but her smile, and that I would never see it again. Soon the paramedics were ushering me to the living room and doing there work although there was nothing to be done. They wheeled her through the apartment on a gurney covered from head to toe with a white sheet. Then she was gone...
I went back in to her room after some time to I do t know feel her somehow to find answers. I wasn't in there long I sat in here chair and on the desk I saw the letter folded up and sticking out of one of her books. I pulled it out and hesitated for some time just looking at it afraid to know what it said.

I can't do it anymore, I can't live. This sick and unjust world. I just want it all to stop I just want the pain to stop but it just keeps coming kicking me when I'm down and heaven for bid if I start to get up it kicks even harder. I am broken a shell of a person as I have been for so long I know now that it will never change nothing will ever change.i feel alone even when I'm not I feel lost and cold. I can't move forward from my past it's like the darkness chases me. I'm not afraid to die but I am afraid to live I am afraid to wake up every morning in this twisted cruel world. I feel like I can't escape like I can't catch my breath.I do not believe I was meant to be here. And now I'm not. I'm going to go in the same way as my beloved brother as I hear it is painless and fast. Not that I would mind if I went slowly. Christian I know you've tried but I can not be helped it has all been a facade. The determination to fight to be here is gone, to be absently here empty in a room full of people. Knowing that it will end now gives me a calming and peaceful filling i think that's how I know that it is the right thing to do.

Goodbye..

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