A Broken Beginning ✔️ finished

28

Christian

Emma is very stressed I can see it, she is wearing a smile and things have been moving smoothly for the most part though. I can see that she is afraid of Chad being out on bail and the upcoming trial. I try to assure her that I will protect her, that he isn't going to harm her in any way ever again. Although I have been letting her down and she isn't even aware, I feel terrible about it I really do but there is just something about her. I feel as if Lilith is the other half of Emma or maybe the darker side. I can't stay away from her, I try to picture Emma while I'm with her if that is better but I know it is still terrible if not more. Honestly I wish I could break this side of myself I do but I am a man and I have genuinely never felt what I feel while I am with Emma. The feeling I have while with Lilith is hollow even while being intimate I feel nothing it's almost just a routine now just a means to an odd. I get drunk or bussed then go to her house have meaningless messy sex then leave, I have no intention on an after fuck cuddle session or tenderly kissing her just to show her my feeling because I have none. I leave and drown my self-hatred in more alcohol. I'm sure I could sustain from sex altogether but now that I have started again I don't want to stop. When Emma is better I hope I can stop I want to be there for her. Better for her. Sitting here now gulping down my third rum and coke deciding if I'm going to stay here at probably the love of my life as fucked as that sounds or if I'm going to drive the four mile drive to Lilith's.

"Hi, handsome, to what do I owe this happy surprise?"

Lilith speaks trying to lace her voice with seduction, she sounds so desperate its off putting. My stomach drops, and not in a good way. Not once has Emma came on to be like this never has she sounded to disgustingly full of lust and desperation .

"Cut the shit man where's the bottle from last time?"

I spit.

"it's in the freezer, what's your problem? I know I'm not your first choice but you could at least act interested."

"I don't have a problem, Lilith it's just, I don't know what's wrong with me with this situation."

"Honey, do you want to talk about it? "

"No let's just get to it"

She looks broken like I said something to hurt her but she knows the routine she knows this is honestly nothing. That I want absolutely nothing from her except to satisfy my needs and leave. I abruptly stand and walk over to her I think about kissing her, but I don't I just can't I turn her around and get the job done. I drown out the sounds of her screams and pants I don't want to hear it. I pull my pants up and turn to leave.

"Wait, where are you going? "

"Home."

And I walk out the door, I can almost swear I hear her sniffle like she's beginning to cry. I don't do this to hurt her she knew my situation when this started. I since that I should feel worse about what I am doing to her but all I can think about is Emma and what I just did to her. I could give a shit less about Lilith's feelings. As I drive I think about going back to Emma's house but I'm sure she's asleep and if she isn't I can't face her right now I fucking hate myself and I'm plastered, so I turn to go home. Right when I walk in I crash out on the couch, wanting to black out and not see either one of the girls that I am tearing apart.

I wake at three, to seven missed calls and two texts. What the hell?

One call from Danny, two from an unknown caller, three Calls from Lilith fuck what does she want, and one from Emma that's new.

Text- Emma

Hi, Christian what are you doing I thought you would be here when I got up, I know that everything's not right yet and I will understand if you're tired of this. But if you would like to hang out today I would really enjoy that maybe go out somewhere?

Text –Emma

Umm hi I'm sorry to continue to bother you but have you called me off a blocked number, I just don't want to just to conclusion's and you know that is hard for me so if you could please let me know I received three calls.

oh no who would call both of us off unknown numbers this isn't good. I do not want to alarm her any more though im sure since these messages were sent around ten and twelve she's already panicked I need to get there try tp clam her down.

Text-

Hey, yeah I would love to come over I'll be there in twenty and we can discuss everything else. See you soon beautiful.

I know I overdue it sometimes but the guilt overwhelms my senses. I jump in the shower and try to rid myself from the stench of liquor and Lilith.

Knocking on the door I hear multiple voices and I already know what I am walking into. Upon the door opening I see it Lilith at the table with Emma and my face as well as my attitude plummets. What is she doing here I ask myself I know she isn't really close with Mellissa they just use each other to party. The way she stares at Emma makes me angry and I can see that she's insanely jealous that I don't feel the same as I do for Emma as I do for her I just wonder what Emma thinks of the tension if she can put it together. I know she is very intelligent and I'm sure she can see me physically cringe when Lilith speaks.

"Hi lets go for a walk, Yeah?"

I wispier in her ear from behind, she slightly jumps at my close proximity but as soon as my hand slides down her back she eases into me. That makes my smile return. She stands and meets my smile with one of her undeniably breathtaking ones that I don't get to see often enough. We leave once she grabs some shoes and her phone. Now to talk about the calls, I wish I could be honest with her but I need to make something up to ease her mind to let her know she's in no danger, not while I'm around. Ill just have to try and be around more now and put my selfish needs behind me.