Wille and Simme

1.

Wilhelm POV

For now, it was over. I told him I loved him only to be greeted with nothing but a silence from the other side.

I held onto him savoring the all to familiar feel of the crook of his neck, his soft caramel curls, the warmth of his body, the smell of his breath. "I hope you have a nice Christmas" he said. I could only reply with a thank you before I had to turn away. Though we acted calm, we were both trying our hardest to hold back tears.

As much as it hurt me to get nothing in return, I could do nothing but blame myself for being such a coward.

As the car drove away from Hillerska, I felt nothing. I shed not a single tear; numbness took over my body. I could feel the pain and sadness building up within my entire being, yet I simply could not feel a thing as I stared out the window of the car. A light snow had frosted the scenes flying behind us, how beautiful.

After what seemed to be mere seconds, I was snapped out of my trance like state by Malin telling me "We have arrived at the royal palace, Sir."

I took all the time in the world to pick myself up from the car to walk up to the door. I was greeted by my mother.

"Ah, Wilhelm. Welcome home." She said. I gave her nothing more than a small smile and proceeded to walk past her and into my old bedroom. It was so bare without any of my posters and belongings.

Soon after; Malin walked in with my bags, patted me on the shoulder and exited the room as fast as she entered. I walked over to one of my suitcases and the first thing on top was my grey Hillerska hoodie. I wore that almost everyday...

I picked it up and held it to my face; it smelled of Simon. I sat there for a moment, by mind in a blur as I blankly stared at the wall.

Suddenly I could not breathe. My eyes were pricking, there was a lump in my throat, my chest was tightening. I clutched the hoodie tighter as I took a deep inhale; but my breath hitched. Rather than an exhale, a sob escaped instead.

Tears began running down my face as I took another sharp inhale. More sobs escaped my throat. I tried my hardest to control my breathing as I felt an attack begin to form within my chest. It didnt take long for my already short breaths to accelerate.

Sobs were tearing through my throat between fast and uneven breaths as tears were pouring onto the hoodie that I was pushing my face into as hard as I could. I rocked on the edge of my bed through shaky breaths as the buildup of confusion, anguish, and shame involuntarily tore its way out of my system.

I pressed my face even harder into the hoodie as I let out a scream from the rough depths of my throat.

My face ached from the stressed muscles of crying so hard. My eyes stung from the amount of tears spilling out. My hands hurt from clutching the hoodie so tightly. My head hurt from the amount of burning questions that I would leave unanswered. But most of all, my heart ached deeply with my longing for Simon and shame for what I put him through in the end.

But I cannot forget the anger I felt as well. I was angry at August for posting that fucking video, let alone recording it! I was angry at myself for hiding who I was and continuing to do so. I was angry at Erik for leaving me so soon. I was especially angry at my mother. She has no care for who I really am, she knew about August and kept it hidden, she forced me to lie about the video. And I was angry at the world for looking upon people like me as different.

So much emotion was coursing though my being and I had nobody to console me. I remained there in my bed for what could have been hours until my body finally shut down into a cold. nightmare ridden sleep.

Well there is chapter one. Please let me know what you think through the comments!