Wille and Simme

25.

Wilhelm POV

It was morning. Once again, I woke up at 6:50 long before Simon. How lucky I was to be here with someone so perfect. I layed here barely dragging my fingers along his side, observing his figure and thinking. 

I knew that I needed to text August and I couldn't be dreading it more. I wanted to think about the person laying next to me, I wanted to think about anything else... but the plan looming over me weighed to heavy.

I reached over to the nightstand and picked up my phone. I was going to get this over with. I started typing.

I've decided to go through with the plan. We were thi-

I stopped typing. I noticed how badly my hands were shaking. I couldn't understand why my mind was overthinking so much, why my body was reacting in such a way.

I carefully slid out of the covers as to not wake Simme up and walked out the door. I needed some air.

It was freezing outside, a bite to wake me up fully.  I quickly began making my way to the pond, my arms wrapped around my body.  As I walked I could feel my breath accelerating. Noises left my mouth at every exhale and I could feel tears building up.

I made it to the pond and bent down to put my hands in the freezing water. They were shaking as I ran them up and down my face. I began to feel so weak...

I dropped to my knees right at the pond side despite the mud coating my pants. Sobs started escaping my throat as I sat there, my arms tightly wrapped around myself again.

In my mind I knew there was no reason to be this upset, but that's just what fueled the attack. At this point I was almost yelling. I put hands on either side of my head; it felt like it was going to explode. I squeezed my eyes shut as I held fistfuls of my hair and sobbed. My throat was closing. All the anxiety of the future that had built up inside of me was coming out in one big racking wave.

The more I let out my cries the more pressure I felt building. I was a ball of anger, stress, and confusion.  I curled into myself as tightly as I could and continued to yell.  I bit into my knee to help stifle the noises.

I couldn't feel the cold mud and water soaking my clothes. I couldn't  feel my my hands pulling my hair and my teeth sinking into my knee.  I couldn't hear Simon's calls.

"WILHELM!"

It's just my mind playing tricks

"WILLE!"

Stop.

"WILLE!" He shook my shoulders. "BABY ARE YOU OKAY?"

I lifted my head up and opened my eyes, continuing to sob. He was right there, kneeling in the mud beside me. His eyes were full of fear and concern. I threw myself at him.

He stumbled slightly but quickly wrapped his arms very tightly around me. I screamed into his shoulder and dug my fingers into his back.

In a very assertive voice he tried to calm me down. "Wilhelm, baby I need you to calm down. Please work on slowing your breathing I know it's hard but I need you to try. Take deep breaths."

His voice cracked as he spoke, but he kept it hidden in order to help me the best he could. I noticed that his breathing was slow; inhale 6 seconds, hold for 8, release 7. I tried to make chests rise and fall match his.

I kept my grip, but my sobs began quieting and my breathing slowed.

"That's good. You are doing amazing. Keep calm, my love you are doing great. You're okay. It's going to be okay. I'm here."