ambivalent | hes

29

I felt numb. I had somehow lost all energy to do anything. I'd just stay in bed all day.

My mom told me Harry's court hearing was on July 18th. It was a week away. I still didn't know if I could go or not. I don't know what would happen if I saw him again.

It all seemed so unrealistic. Harry had killed my father. It felt so foreign to say or even think about.

I thought back to when we got the news. He was hit by a car, and the driver had just left him on the side of the street. It must've been really late at night because no one else saw his body. It was all so confusing. Harry was so sweet and kind. Why would he leave a dying man on the side of the road and not call for help? And why was my father even out late at night anyway?

That question haunted me for days. I couldn't come up with a logical answer, except for the fact that maybe Harry isn't who I thought he was. It all gave me a headache.

I threw the blanket over my head as the sun shone through the window and my mom came in my room.

"Good morning, sweetie. How are you feeling?" She asked.

My mom was brave. She had cried the first couple of nights when we found out, but now she seemed okay, like everything was how it used to be.

I moaned, throwing the blanket off of me. My moms face saddened.

"Oh, Lyla, you look terrible." She told me, setting the food she had brought down on the dresser.

She sat on the edge of my bed, rubbing my arm.

"You need to get out of bed. I understand you're upset, but laying here all day is just going to make it worse." She explained.

"Mom, I don't want to do anything." I replied.

"Lyla, its not healthy."

"Okay, I'll think about it." I only said it so she would leave me alone.

She smiled, getting up and grabbing the tray of food. I wasn't really hungry.

I sat up as she placed it on my lap. There was a bowl of cereal, toast, and a glass of milk. It all looked gross to me, but if I didnt eat, my mom wouldnt leave me alone. I picked up the spoon as she spoke.

"Do you still want to go?" She asked.

I didn't know if I wanted to go. Since I got the job as my moms assistant, I would have to be in there the whole time with Harry. I don't know if I would be able to do that. I don't know what I want to be honest. I still have feelings for Harry, but I also hate him for what he had done. I want him to pay for this, but if he went to jail he would probably be there until he died. Even if I didnt want him to go to jail, my mother wouldn't change her mind. She already told me that he was a criminal and that he needed to do the time. But I dont want the last time I see him to be out front of his house, being dragged into a police car while I stood there in complete confusion.

I sighed, saying, "I think I want to go."