ambivalent | hes

32

"Come on, Styles." A voice said as my cell door slid open.

Squinting my eyes at the light that shown through, I got up. Careful not to trip in the shackles around my ankles, I shuffled forward and let the guard grab my arm and guide me down the hall.

I was transported to the court house where I knew she was waiting. Today was the trial.

The car ride was agonizingly long. Suspense built up inside me as each second ticked by. I felt like I was going to throw up.

My heart seemed to stop as we pulled up in front of the court house. I couldn't go in. I didn't see the point of going in. We all knew what the outcome would be anyway.

Someone opened my door and a hand reached out towards me. Taking a deep breath, I slowly got out as whoever it was grabbed my arm, dragging me inside. I was taken to some sort of waiting room. This is where I would be sitting until it was time.

I sat in a plastic chair with my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. All I could think about was Lyla. I had never loved anyone the way I had loved her. I didn't want to lose her. I gave myself a headache thinking about what would happen if I was proven guilty. I would spend the rest of my life in jail, and I would never get to see Lyla ever again. I suddenly felt sick. Looking around for a trash can, I found one in the corner and dropped to my hands in knees in front of it, regurgitating the jail "breakfast" I had eaten that morning. Closing my eyes, I sat with my back against the wall. I was sweating and I wished I could take the long sleeved orange jump suit off. Instead I rolled up the sleeves and remained on the floor, just staring up at the ceiling.

I stayed like that for what felt like hours but was actually only 45 minutes before the door opened and I was ordered to stand up.

This was it.

I slowly rose to my feet and began walking towards the door. Two guards held my arms on either side as they guided me to the court room. I kept my head down. I didn't want her to see me this way. My eyes had dark circles from due to getting little sleep and I lost some weight from a lack of food. I looked terrible. Unlike the Harry she loved, or had once loved.

We reached the door and I felt as if I was going to be sick again, but I barely had time to prepare myself before the doors flew open and everyones gaze shifted to me.