ambivalent | hes

31

The car ride to Louis' house, which was where we decided to go, was long and awkward. Ashton and I sat in the back whereas Louis and Bea sat in the front.

Bea was right. Ashton was really nice, but I wasn't sure if it was because he knew what I was going through, but either way it was kind of comforting.

Once we reached Louis' house, which was quite large, we piled out of the car and into the home.

We decided to put in a movie, so Louis brought in snacks and drinks and we all sat on the floor.

Bea rested her head in Louis' lap as he fed her popcorn, and I watched as she giggled when he missed her mouth. Ashton must've seen me watching them because he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer to him. I wasn't really in the mood to cuddle anyone, but it kind of made me feel better. I leaned into him, getting as comfortable as I could, and he smiled.

I tried to focus on whatever movie Louis had put in. As I watched, the film came to me. Endless Love. Out of all the movies in the world, of course this was the one he picked. I looked over at Bea. Harry and I watched it with her the night we went lazor tagging. Did she remember? She obviously wasn't paying attention.  i attempted to just watch the movie, but all I could think about was Harry.

I knew this was bound to happen, thats why I didn't want to go out. But I didn't want Bea to worry about me, and I appreciated her efforts to help. 

I needed some fresh air.

"I'll be back." I announced before hurrying outside before anyone could question my actions.

Shutting the front door behind me, I sat on a chair on Louis' front porch, resting my head in my hands.

Harry and I had gone through so much together that every little thing reminded me of him. Even drinking coffee in the mornings brings back memories. I just wish Harry could be who I thought he was and everything would be okay.

Wiping my eyes, I sat up. I watched as cars drove past on the street below as I silently tried to convince myself that I would get over Harry. He was a criminal, and he would be in jail for life, so what was the use of crying over some boy I would never see again?

But I knew in the back of my mind Harry would always have my heart, and I would have his.