Ice Blink

23: Travel

The two pairs of eyes felt too raw, too penetrating. It was as if she'd peeled away a shell that had encased her forever, leaving her naked and trembling. She couldn't bear it. She turned and fled into the tundra.

Nuna walked until the tears on her cheeks froze and her throat burned. Then she slumped into the snow, pulling her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. She buried her head in the gap, wishing she was invisible. She had done the same thing every time Toklo and his gang of friends had attacked her.

The others had finally seen how weak and uncertain she truly was, and until now she had merely been maintaining a façade. How would they accept her as a Inua now? Amarok wouldn't want to fight with her. Niju wouldn't –

Someone sat beside her and she flinched, curling tighter into herself.

"Please, leave me be."

"It's me," Niju said softly.

It took a few tries to speak. "I know." She'd recognised his footsteps.

"What you did makes sense. You did what you could to protect yourself from those who wished to hurt you. And your willingness to find your tribe..."

"I have to prove myself to them."

"So they'll accept you?"

Nuna shrugged, unable to look at Niju. She focused on a blade of dry, hardy grass which poked out of the snow.

"You said the elders muttered about you. Why?"

"The circumstances of my birth. My mother left the tribe unexpectedly before I was born, and everyone, even my father, thought she'd ran away. She returned when she was heavily pregnant with me but wouldn't tell anyone where she'd been. She told Aneguin that I was his, but some people didn't believe her, and from then on people thought I was the product of a dalliance with a spirit. Unnatural and wrong." Meriwa had told her it was pure superstition, but it explained why Aneguin had always preferred Kenai.

"I'm sorry."

Nuna couldn't reply. Perhaps her outburst had been petty and childish, but sh couldn't simply let go of her pain, not when her childhood memories were still so raw and humiliating.

Niju sat in silence with her for a few moments.

"There's still blood on your face."

She had forgotten. The scout's kick hadn't broken anything or dislodged any teeth, but her lip and cheek had been cut. She raised her arm but Niju took her hand and pulled it down again.

"Don't. You'll rub your skin raw doing that. Here, let me." He lifted a warm wet cloth to her face. "I've heated it by the fire, don't worry." He had... come prepared.

Every muscle in Nuna's body went taut as Niju leaned closer, so close she could see his eyelashes like dark spiderwebs. He wiped the blood away with an expert, gentle touch, reminding her of the way he'd saved her from hypothermia. The warm water was soothing on her skin, and her eyes fluttered closed. Niju moved to her lips, carefully tracing the outline of the swelling as he cleaned the cut. Nuna's jaw clenched.

"You can relax. I'm not going to hurt you."

"I know," she whispered. That did not calm her hammering heart.

He withdrew and folded the bloodstained cloth in his lap without looking at Nuna, who wiped her eyes discreetly.

"We should go back to the fire." If she stayed out here any longer, she'd be even more embarrassed when she returned. If that was possible.

When they returned, Toklo caught Nuna's eye and opened his mouth to speak, but thought better of it at the last minute. She wasn't used to such uncertainty between them. In the past, it had been simple knowing they both disliked each other. Now what?