Mystery Girl

First Love 4

Over the weekend, I had replayed the moment she kissed me in my head over a hundred times, the euphoria failing to dull even through the repetition. My grandma allowed me to wander around the house in my dreamy state, although she was no less harsh about me getting my chores done. 

Sunday night, I lay on top of my covers in my pyjamas, my head resting on the pillow- making my hair stick out whichever way it pleased. The day ahead was so daunting yet exciting. What would happen at school? Would Ha-eun consider us to be together now? I hoped so with my whole heart. However, I was afraid that she had told one of her friends and the rumour would have spread through the school.

I didn't have any enemies and I tended to get along with most people, but what if they were saying things like I was hopeless for having fallen for Ha-eun so quickly? Maybe some boys were jealous, I was sure that they would be considering the amount of attention that seemed to come Ha-eun's way and how pretty she was. 

Sure enough, eyes were on me when I walked into school Monday morning, and I soon found out why. When I walked into the classroom, Ha-eun was at her desk ignoring my entrance whilst the rest of the class turned to stare at me. One of my friends pulled me by my arm into a back corner of the wall and whispered to me. 

"She is claiming that you kissed her without permission and she never liked you like that, so it upset her. It's not true is it?" 

My world stopped moving in that moment. Instantly, my eyes settled back to Ha-eun sitting across the room, her arms crossed and looking bored. Had she really done this to me? She used me? For what? Attention? Urgently, I shifted my attention back to my friend. "Really?" is all that managed to escape from my mouth, I was in such a state of disbelief and although my voice didn't crack, it was wobbly and unstable, just like my legs underneath me. 

He nodded at me seriously, the kind of look you might deliver to someone if you had to inform them of their dead relative. It was in that moment that my heart cracked, the ecstasy that I had thriving on over the weekend rushing out of me, and instead being replaced with confusion and hurt. 

With my throat closing and my chest burning, I made my way over to Ha-eun carefully, trying with all my might to refrain from letting my tears fall. It was a tragic walk over to her desk, a dichotomy to the first time I did this. I could feel eyes on me, the kind of staring that makes you feel worthless, the kind that makes you think about all the people judging, all watching with interest. 

Once I reached the desk, Ha-eun looked up, an unreadable emotion in her eyes, and I could sense how important this conversation would be. Her appearance was the same as always, carefully applied natural makeup, with well-groomed hair and with a bored look. I opened my mouth to speak, before the teacher walked in, ordering everyone to get to our seats. 

For a moment, I hesitated, feeling like I couldn't just walk, but ultimately not wanting to get into trouble, knowing that we couldn't just have that conversation in front of a silent class anyway. I felt defeated and although the reason I wanted to talk to Ha-eun was to clarify what I had been told, a part of me knew that she probably had done that and that really, I was a fool for ever believing she would have a genuine interest in me. 

I tried to talk to her again at lunchtime, but as expected, she simply ignored me, while the rest of her "friendship group" or simply desperate girls who wanted attention, waved me off defensively, glaring at me with malice. Not knowing what else to do, I ended up in a bathroom stall, weeping quietly, still in disbelief about recent events. Shouldn't I have seen this coming? What an idiot I was to believe that I could mean something to someone like her. 

At the time I forced myself to believe that she was the one above me, but after learning to truly love myself growing up, I realise that I have always been the one out of her league, that she didn't deserve me. Thank god I didn't end up with her, a toxic relationship with a girl who has insecurities that prevent her from being herself. 

We never even talked again after that. I waited for her after school to see if she would talk to me alone, but she just walked straight past me as if I never existed. It angered me that something like this had happened, it was something I thought only ever happened in films or to playboys. I never acted on the anger though, nothing more came of it after I vented to my grandma and she told me that Ha-eun would never have been worth it anyway.

A few months after that, I remember distinctly that Ha-eun came up to me after class one day, shortly after word had spread that I was going to be an idol. She attempted to flirt with me, but it just repulsed, me, a selfish gold-digger who wanted attention was all I ever saw in her from that day on. Maybe she has changed and grown over the years, but maybe she is still somewhere in this world, looking for her next victim so she can buy things she doesn't need with money that isn't her own. Who am I to say?

All I know is that concluded my short romance, the only one of my life. It isn't even worthy of remembering, some might argue, but to my 14-year-old self, a girl showing interest even if it was for a fleeting moment and fake was important and affected me greatly. I'll never let her have the satisfaction of knowing she was the only girl I had ever had a relationship with, her stuck up behaviour would be unbearable. 

Thank god I am where I am today. 

(1052 words)

Author's Note

Hehe hi look at this, another update ooo that concludes this little tangent, this wasn't planned btw so if it is messy or anything please let me know lol, next chapter will be back to the main story and the drama that I left it at. Hope you are having fun reading, if you are I would be delighted if you voted and commented, love you guys 💜