Déjà Vu

--soap

Stupid, stupid, stupid. Why the hell had he gone and done that? He had already crossed enough boundaries that night, but that kiss was the cherry on the top of the whole fucking bittersweet sundae. Was that Matthias' voice he heard over his thoughts? Well, screw that, because Lukas wasn't turning around. No he fucking wasn't.

As it turned out, he didn't have to. A large, calloused hand closed around his wrist. "Lukas, what was that?"

"It was nothing," Lukas replied, trying to shake Matthias' hand off of him. His voice was so nonchalant it rattled him to his very core, but the way his heart was pounding somehow scared him more. "Please let me go, Matthias. It's late."

"Oh, bullshit," Matthias replied, tugging him backwards, his heels skidding on the sidewalk as he tried to stand his ground. "You can't leave me now! Not with just that. Can we at least talk about it?"

"There's nothing to talk about, Matthias," Lukas insisted. "We're drunk."

"You don't seem very drunk now."

And it was true, Lukas' thoughts were now crystal clear, but that wasn't necessarily a good thing. They were full of guilt, embarrassment, and shame, and he wished he was still drunk enough to ignore that, drunk enough to still feel that feeling of tender elation he'd felt after kissing Matthias. "So what?"

"So...talk to me, Lukas." Matthias spun him around, and Lukas had no choice but to meet his forlorn gaze. "Please. And...if you're not gonna talk to me, then at least stay with me."

Lukas bit his lip and glanced away, before finally tugging his hand out of Matthias' grasp, trying to ignore the hurt in his eyes. "We're drunk."

Matthias frowned, but allowed Lukas to slip into the night.

*

Lukas wasn't having a very good morning.

Hungover, exhausted, and disheveled, he plopped down in his usual chair at the breakfast table and glowered at the pancakes Emil had made. They had smiley faces, what an adorably sick joke--at least he'd get to devour them.

"...Are you okay, Lukas?" Emil asked from his place at the stove. Their parents were already at work, so Emil had apparently taken it upon himself to make the two of them breakfast. "I don't usually have to drag you out of bed like that."

"I got home late."

"I thought you were staying at Matthias'." Emil glanced over at him semi-worriedly. He was the only other person who knew how Lukas actually felt for his best friend, and could somehow always tell when something was up. Lukas was starting to suspect that perhaps he wasn't as good at hiding his feelings as he thought. "Did something happen?"

Oh well, no point in hiding it. It wasn't like Emil had any friends he could gossip to, after all. "I got wasted and kissed him, that's what happened."

"Oh?" Emil flipped the final pancake over onto his own plate, turned the stove off with a click, then plopped down in the seat next to Lukas' with his plate in hand. "How'd he react to it?"

Lukas had been worrying about that question from the moment he had woken up and decided to tell Emil. To tell the truth, he really had no idea how to describe Matthias' reaction--he wasn't even sure if Matthias had actually kissed back or if he'd just imagined that part. And that terrified him, which was why he answered Emil with a mere shrug, no words or anything else of that nature.

To that, Emil exhaled heavily and poked at his pancakes with his fork. "You don't know how he reacted to you kissing you? Come on, Lukas. Did he seem upset?" Oh, he sure had been upset--but Lukas wasn't sure if that was because of the kiss or because of the fact he refused to talk to him afterwards. However, before he could think too much about that, Emil clapped his hands, yanking him out of the bottomless pit of his thoughts. "Lukas, focus. What happened?"