At Her Best.

Twenty-Three.

Although I was somewhat adjusting to prison life, I was still having my share of annoyances and discomfort. Going from living in a luxury apartment complex with numerous, beneficial utilities to now having to physically do whatever I needed was taking me a moment to digest. Now don't get me wrong, I ain't no spoilt brat. Honey, I came from the bottom. And when I did reach what I thought was a financial pinnacle, I prided myself on being humble because I knew how quickly life can change. I knew all about the struggles, I knew all about the misfortunes. But doing my own laundry on a Sunday morning when I used to be sipping mimosas at this hour and having someone else handle that task was indeed kicking in my rich girl mentality.

"Why you always look so sad when we start to do laundry? You don't like spending time with me? Girl, I'm the most fun to be around."

Laughing, I glanced over at Mama Sal. Standing at 4 feet and 7 inches, Salome Anderson otherwise known as Mama Sal was what you would consider to be everyone's mother figure or big sister at Freeman's Correctional Centre. She was the oldest out of all the women here and was serving a fifty-six-year sentence. Every Sunday we did laundry together, and we would talk and laugh about anything and everything. She was truly a remarkable woman, for she shared knowledge and wisdom with everyone she encountered.

"Girl, you know I love hanging out with you. It's not you." I started. "This is gonna sound so shallow, but doing this makes me realize how much I'm stuck here. I would be sipping a cocktail right now if I was on the outside. But I'm not, because I'm here."

Mama Sal smiled. "Ah, I see. Rich woman problems. I respect the honesty though. But hey, rumor around the cells is that you might be getting outta here. Soon all of this is gonna be a thing of the past."

"Rumor around the cells?" I snickered. "Yeah, I don't know about all of that. My lawyer is working overtime trying to get my case cracked. Part of me thinks she will, and the other part of me thinks I'm fooling myself."

"Now Miss Raja, what did we say about negative thinking? Cut that out right now." Mama Sal returned. "When we were out on the courts, me and some of the ladies saw your lawyer leave with this dashing, sculpted king. Made my heart skip a beat. I heard some of the security guards talking and they say he's some rich big shot who makes a lot of moves, knows a lot of people. Girl he could snap his fingers and boom, you're outta here."

"But don't you see how wrong that is?" I rebutted. "My freedom would then depend on a man, and I don't want that for myself. I don't ever want a man to be able to dictate my life or pull my strings. I don't want that dashing 'king' to be able to have anything over my head. I'll suffer here first."

Mama Sal let out a sigh and plopped down in a nearby chair. I've been doing a lot of thinking since the meetup with Keisha and Mason, and I was going back and forth with my thoughts on Jamal's involvement. Yes, I wanted to get out of here. Desperately. But what if accepting Mason's help costed me in the long run? And what if that cost was too grand?

"Listen, love." Mama Sal said. "I understand you more than you think. You're trying to protect yourself and I can never fault you for that. I came to this prison when I was your age. You wanna know why I never tell people how I got incarcerated? You wanna know why I allow them to make up guesses and form their own assumptions? I do it because it's embarrassing, and to this day I'm still ashamed. I haven't completely moved passed those feelings. Therapy's good but you still have to put in the work. La'Raja, I'm doing a bid for a man. I was dating this big drug dealer in my city. One day the police burst through our house, and he quickly managed to convince me to take the fall for the two million dollars' worth of cocaine in our basement. I was so madly in love, or stupid in love I should say. I loved that man more than I loved myself. I didn't want any ill to happen to him. I completely adored him. There was something about him that was so dreamy, so electric. He had the touch, the talk. All the women wanted him but he only wanted me. Knowing that placed me on a different kind of high, I felt like me covering for him would show my love and appreciation for him. And I figured hey, I've never committed a crime in my life, my sentence won't be that bad. But holy fuck it was. And the minute I got locked up, that motherfucker was onto the next woman. The new bitch even had the audacity to show up to visit me one time. She wanted me to know that she took my position. And I'm telling you this story to say...be smart. Think. Do not waste your life in here La'Raja. These are your vibrant, youthful years my girl. I would do anything to have mine back. And I mean, anything. These are the years where you're supposed to be experiencing and exploring life, not sitting in a jail cell. You're supposed to be out there figuring out who you wanna be, and how you're gonna impact this world. This time is your peak, you're in your prime. You have so much potential, I haven't known you long but I can see it. So if this big shot man can help you get out of this shit you're in, let him. Let him so you can return to those carefree, glory days. Let him so you can enjoy the rest of your youth. I promise you'll regret it if you don't. I know you're worried about the aftermath, but girl figure out the consequences if they're any...later. I've lost so much being in here, there's so much I wanted to do and accomplish. I don't want the same to happen to you. Especially if there's an opportunity for an out."

Damn, leave it to Mama Sal to have me crying like a baby. Wiping my tears, I watched Mama Sal smile at me gently. She quietly stood up and began doing our laundry, acting as though she didn't just tell me the most heartbreaking story ever. This woman was tremendously strong. Her words were changing my entire outlook about a lot.

"Hey now, I like you and all, but you can't just stand there. Come help me out." Mama Sal joked.

I laughed lightly, and together Mama Sal and I did our Sunday routine of washing and folding laundry. We had our usual talks and laughs, and our time went by without me realizing it. Mama Sal made our chore a fun activity. When we parted ways, I thanked her for once again blessing me with her presence and wise words. She truly was giving me a lot to think about.

Walking back to my cell, I eyed Marvin coming towards me from the corner of my eye. Oh God, here we go. He was fully in front of me now with a huge smile on his face, and I'm glad at least someone was happy to be in this confinement I had to call a home.

"Well, well, isn't it the apple of my eye." Marvin gushed. "Come with me, we're going back to the interrogation room. No kicking and screaming this time around please."

I smirked and followed the security guard with conformity. I didn't know what all of this meant, but I was truly hoping for the best. My chitchat with Mama Sal was leaving me in a completely different head space, and I'm glad I got the chance to hear her story. She opened my eyes to a lot, and I truly believed I was meant to hear those words from her. It surely did wake me the hell up.

Marvin pulled the door open for me and waited for me to be seated before he left. I glanced around the room and crossed my legs. Flashbacks of the first time I was in here once again buried my thoughts, and I nervously chewed my bottom lip. I felt like I was back where I first started, where my fate was being decided. I just hope this time around I'll have different results.